Speaking ill of the Dead

Been thinking about Death and how it is inevitable for everyone. How do we remember those that have died? Do we prop them out with stories of their greatness? Or do we remember them for what they were, a human being just living as best they could? 

Is it ever okay to speak ill of the dead? I mean not just the passive speaking ill of someone, (like he tried his best but come up short) but the mean and nasty stuff? Like saying that guy was a mean old dog, evil to the bone, may he rot in Hell? 

Sometimes I think it has nothing to do with the living and how they think of someone that is now dead, but what legacy that person has left. I mean if you are an arse all your life, what makes it not the way it is now? If someone is butt eating crazy, why paint them as respectable or sane?

There is the old adage, if you have nothing good to say about someone, best not to say anything. I guess that can work. But sometimes we all go butt eating crazy and let out some stuff don't we?

It was a number of years ago as I sat in the restaurant at our Reserve. There were quite a few people when an open conversation started. A friend of mine said to one of his cousins who was sitting across the room, "Hey, did you hear about Clem having a heart attack?". The cousin said "who gives a fuck, the guy is a piece of shit anyway."  That is the thing, one person can be a hero to some and a shit to others.

I know this one guy, who is now dead, and I think he was a monster. No, I know he was a monster. The thing is this monster was a Dad, a brother, a husband, a God father, and a host of other things to many people. To me he was and will always be thought of as a monster.On his marker it says he was a man of respect. I was so offended by that marker. None of my business I know. But it did offend me. I know him to be an evil person. A person with no consideration for others. A person who would threaten you. A person who used Spirituality to cloak his evil mindset. Harsh way to think of someone who has passed on, I know. But it is the legacy some of us have. If you live like a monster, people will remember you that way. If you are a piece of shit, that is how people will think of you. For example, 17 years ago I was leaving the funeral of my Uncle and our car was parked on the highway. So my wife and I were carrying our infant daughter who was a month old and had to walk on the side of the highway to our car. The man who is now dead was driving towards us in his white truck, he did a very quick turn towards us and then as quickly swerved away. It was disgusting moment. This man for what every reason believed I did him wrong. I know in my heart that is not true. He was looking for someone to blame for his actions. He worked in the same place I did. He was a sick man. He stalked one of the workers there, so she had to take leave of work. Numerous times he threatened to shoot me. Almost running me over as I was on the highway speaking with our then Chief. One time as I leaving my Mom's house, he made a shooting gesture at me again, I chased him to his home. I tried to talk to him about his behaviour on a number of occasions. He pulled out a weapon from under his seat. So I gave up trying to talk to him. He may be remembered as a good man to some and that is good for them. For me I have a different view. It is only my view but his legacy to me. I was not happy when he passed or sad. He was a rather unpleasant chapter in my life and it ended with his passing. No grief felt from me, but did feel bad for his family. Everyone wants their loved to be around for them. How do you feel when there is some madman (who once killed someone) actively trying to kill you?

So do I do him a disservice or a disservice to his family by speaking ill of him? Yeah, I am sure I do, but its my version of the truth. He may have been a good husband or dad, I don't know. But I do know he was a monster to me. And the more as I live I realize how much of an impact he had on me. His hatred to me and his acts caused me great pain.

 Pain, I didn't know how much until he went to "meet his maker".



"how many ways can you polish up a turd?"

Cancer has my Dad in its grip.

August 21, 2013 it was confirmed that my Dad has Cancer. He has it in his lungs, liver and a 15 centimeter growth in his bowel area, colon I believe.

Anyway, my Dad is 82 years old, born in 1930. Cancer is really an ugly animal. It has taken  people in the family: My Mom, my Aunt's Lucy, Gwezeence (Carolyn), Uncle Herman-to, My Brother in laws, Chris Courchene, Brian Spence and Gord Spence.

So now is the ugly part.

Watching Dad get weaker and weaker while the pain increases. Dad hasn't been told he has cancer. Dad is suffering from Alzheimer's. He is pretty good though. He has laps in his short term memory but other than that he was good. It is stranger that now that we have the diagnosis of cancer it seems to be hitting him fast. The Doctors estimated about six months was his time and that it will be likely that his colon will be blocked. They can operate to unblock and he can have a bag to his stomach, but the Doctor said if it was his relative, he wouldn't go for the operation.

Its really weird watching the cancer work its ugly unrelenting greed. It makes think of my Mom and her battle and how she left. Dad knows there is something wrong. He hurts and his back aches, sometimes to the point of his jaw shaking. Last week his blood pressure dropped to below 70 and he passed out. Unresponsive for some time, the ambulance had to come take him to the hospital. He is not eating and mostly has sips of tea. I love tea as well, drink it all day long. The hospital brought his fluids up and gave him new pain medication. He was okay and I was able to take him back to the George M. Guimond Care Home. I told my Dad that he was sick. My Dad said "but I'm going to be alright"?  I lied to him and said "yes that Dad you are going to be alright". So I could not tell him about cancer.

We are fortunate to have him this long. I encourage family and friends to visit well they can. I know Bert Fontaine was there yesterday and Dad remembered him. That's Dad's first Cousins those guys.
Perry is another one that is always going to see Dad. I think it is a shock for him to see Dad losing some much weight and so fast. It was not even three weeks ago that Perry had taken Dad to the Casino to pass the time.

Dad comes from a huge family, lots of cousins, kids, in-laws, nieces, nephews, grandchildren and friends. So it is good they get a chance to visit.

Okay folks, Will come by again.

Steve

Dad & Family

September - 17, Feeling overwhelmed today.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHoAg-LlVVM


October 21, 2103

Well Cancer has taken my Dad and killed him.

We watched him shrink away.  I can tell you it is hard to watch your Dad die by the grip of cancer.

We had a nice service for Dad. His wishes (most of them) were followed. He was not one for big flash or have great things said about him. We did talk about him and how he was and not share his resume.
Its going to be weird not having Dad around.

Dad's Grandchildren

Uncle Bob at the Sacred Fire

Dad Bundled

Traveling song for Dad

Uncle Georgie Boy, Mary, Auntie Terraince, Uncle Bob.

Date of Passing: October 21, 2013

ANDREW COURCHENE

ANDREW (HENRY) HOWARD COURCHENE (HENREESE) Waabanong Inini On October 21, 2013, with his family at his side, Henry passed away at the age of 82 years, after a battle with cancer. Henry lived all of his life in the community of Sagkeeng First Nation, MB, which he loved very much. He was a resident of the George M. Guimond Care Home in Sagkeeng. Henry was predeceased by his wife and moral compass Mildred; by his parents Mishom (Miskus) Ambroise, Kookum Sophie; his children Luke, Jean, Russell (Pancho) and his grandchildren Evan and Donovan; his siblings: five infant brothers (Sam, Luke, Philip), Felix, Alex, Mary (Waabas), Dora (Peechanish), Caroline (Gwayzaince), Herman (Herman2), John (John-neese), and Allan; and by his in-laws George Guimond, Willie Twoheart, JB Guimond, Sarah Courchene, Edgar Swampy, Molly and Joe Guimond, Lucy and Frank Daniels, Alex (Oskie) Laforte, Eva Courchene, Gerry Anaquod, Louis (Red) and Ida Fontaine, and Henry (Mannish) Fontaine. Henry leaves to mourn his children Leonard (Isabel), Carol Bouboire, Donald, Howard (Val), Steve (Susan), Jean (Maurice Normand), Sally, Brenda (Alvin "Smiley" Morrisseau), daughter-in-law Jeanie, Lorraine Kipling and Delores Kent; his siblings Theresa (Terraince) Swampy, George (Georgie-boy), and Robert (Uncle Bob), his in-laws Harold and Brenda Fontaine, Mary Courchene, Francis Anaquod, Margaret Courchene, Evelyn Laforte, Catherine Courchene, and Madeline Courchene; as well as his grandchildren, great-grandchildren and his great-great-grandson - Andrew (AJ) Courchene; numerous cousins, nephews, nieces and friends. Kitchi-Miigwich to all of the people of the George M. Guimond Care Home and to Sagkeeng. Your kindness, caring and warmth is overwhelming. To all his nephews, nieces and friends that were kind to Henry, Miigwich. Gin sa ga Bepkins, Boyshum, Bugzy, Randy, Perry, Chipper, and Linda. A Traditional Wake will take place at St. Alexander Church, Sagkeeng First Nation, MB, Wednesday, October 23, with the funeral service to follow on Thursday, October 24, at 2:00 p.m. Feast will be held at the Band Hall. Pallbearers will be Ian Courchene, Michael Buboire, Connie Spence, Daniel Courchene, Michael Courchene, Jessica Courchene, Laurie Morrisseau, Dylan Courchene-Gaucher, Zach Courchene, and Luke Courchene. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made in Henry's name to the George M. Guimond Personal Care Centre, P.O. Box 308, Pine Falls, MB R0E 1M0. Condolences may be sent to the family in care of Spirit Road Funeral Services Inc., P.O. Box 200, Fort Alexander, MB R0E 0P0, (204) 340-6490 or friends may leave a message of sympathy at spiritroadfs@shaw.ca.

As published in the Winnipeg Free Press on October 23, 2013

Science not a permit for unethical behaviour

Thank you Folks, going to stop for awhile now.

Hey Good people.

Well its been a few years blogging over here.
Going to stop for awhile. Not sure for how long.
Maybe be back sooner than I expect. If I do that, I will say hi again.

Had some stuff I wanted to write about, but that's okay. It can keep.

You take care and keep reading. There is a lot of stuff out there on Natives that I find interesting.
My little world is going to continue.

So it has been nice. 

See you again. 

G'waabaamin minawa. 

Nin sa

Steve

Survivors of Suicide and Prevention Gathering: Mixed Feelings

Circle of Life Gathering: Keep Them Alive has come and gone. We had a two day Gathering for all those affected by suicide and for those wanting to prevent suicide. The Gathering was our fourth event and our last. It was a struggle to get it done this year. The heart wasn't into it.
Seems like it works that way sometimes.

The person behind the Gathering passed away this Christmas. He was Tobasonakwut Peter Kinew. A very nice man and a very knowledgeable man. I liked him. It was Peter and my brother Donald that spoke about holding a Gathering to share about the experience of having lost someone to suicide. My cousin Sally and her Husband Ron Mcdonald were also very important in the Gathering. Sadly Ron and Sally had another loss this year and it was not meant to be for them to come to the last Gathering.

We managed to hold the event this year again at the Thunderbird House in Winnipeg, Manitoba. Thunderbird House is great. They took hold and have been the strong supporters and helpers in hosting the event. Without them and all those volunteers the event could not have happened.

The Gathering is all about Sharing. It may not have met the needs of everyone. Still it was a good venue for support. We made sure to try and get people the opportunity to speak about their experiences. We also had kind and generous people that could offer some advice, some Teachings, some avenues and options of help.

There are many venues out there for people and professionals that want to learn about suicide and suicide prevention. Aboriginal Training & Consulting Services is one group that does training in the area. You can pay five hundred dollars to go and and learn about the risks and symptoms. I believe it is a good thing. We didn't offer that kind of knowledge. We are not equipped to do that. However, we did offer the one thing they say to learn, and that is to Listen. We did that. I think that was good. We did provide the chance to share. We also provided something that we know we have and that is empathy and compassion.

Empathy is:
|"the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this" Merriam-Webster.  


I get confused between the words empathy, sympathy and compassion. So I was lucky to find this to explain it.

"concord, understanding, rapport, affinity. Sympathy, compassion, pity, empathy all denote the tendency, practice, or capacity to share in the feelings of others, especially their distress, sorrow, or unfulfilled desires. Sympathy is the broadest of these terms, signifying a general kinship with another's feelings, no matter of what kind: in sympathy with her yearning for peace and freedom; to extend sympathy to the bereaved. Compassion implies a deep sympathy for the sorrows or troubles of another coupled to a powerful urge to alleviate the pain or distress or to remove its source: to show compassion for homeless refugees. Pity usually suggests a kindly, but sometimes condescending, sorrow aroused by the suffering or ill fortune of others, often leading to a show of mercy: tears of pity for war casualties; to have pity on a thief driven by hunger. Empathy most often refers to a vicarious participation in the emotions, ideas, or opinions of others, the ability to imagine oneself in the condition or predicament of another: empathy with those striving to improve their lives; to feel empathy with Hamlet as one watches the play." Dictionary.com

 The crowd at the Gathering was small, which made the Gathering seem intimate. People shared with a small amount of people. The Native Addictions Council of Manitoba (NACM) came with their residents and out patients. It if they did not come to the Gathering there would have been around 30 people. The good thing with a small turnout is that the food line is quick and there is plenty of food for people.  We ended up taking food over to the local shelter to feed the people there. 

 A group of youth came from the north to take part in the Gathering. Shamattawa First Nation.  Shamattawa is a remote Indian community in Manitoba. They are no strangers to the effects of suicide.  

SHAMATTAWA -- Life in the remote community of Shamattawa, Manitoba, is so bleak. In the first five months of this year, 37 kids and 10 adults attempted suicide, and 52 others told health care workers or family they plan to kill themselves. The youngest who tried to commit suicide was only nine years old.

In 2007, 74 kids from Shamattawa, in Manitoba, attempted suicide and another 82 said they were going to do it. That accounts for more than one in four of the 600 kids living in Shamattawa, 1,200 km northeast of Winnipeg.

In the first five months of this year, 37 kids and 10 adults attempted suicide, and 52 others told health care workers or family they plan to kill themselves.

In 2007 there were 1,172 people living in Shamattawa, according to the Kitayan Community The rash of suicide attempts comes six years after the province and Ottawa declared war on the problem when three people killed themselves in just a few days.

The people who ended up sharing were so sincere and had such strong messages.  A young woman shared here experience of suicide loss and her own struggles to stay alive. It was heart wrenching story of survival.

I am relieved that the Gathering is over. I am also grateful to many people. The Gathering was hosted by three strong smart people; Shannon Buck, Chickadee Richard and Mitch Bourbonnier. All living a life of Traditional Native Spirituality. They took the event and owned it. They made sure things went well. They guided the event for the guests and the speakers. They carried the Gathering and set the tone for kindness, self-reflection and healing. 

Other people that were great are of course: Allie Turnock of Compassionate Friends Winnipeg. Jessica Burton of Klinic Winnipeg.  Wab Kinew, famous news personality, Rapper, and Traditional Man. Ron Indian Mandamin of Shoal Lake. What a beautiful and kind man. My wife Suz, said "that is a very nice man". Suz is never wrong in her appraisals of people. She can spot the phoney and the hidden mean person, where as I cannot. Cheryl James of Roseau River First Nation is a very good person. She has a Drum group that goes to help when they are asked. She is such a positive woman. Cathy Merrick of Cross Lake always supported the Gathering. She made sure that we always had knowledgeable people come out and share or Teach at the Gathering. This year was not different. She sent two people from Cross Lake, Delores Spence and Cynthia Halcrow Robinson. They came at their own expense. A nine hour trip by car from way up northern Manitoba.

There was so much to be grateful for and to be happy for. The Gathering did seem to be a good venue for those that needed it. People shared, people cried, people made contacts with others, and people heard Teachings. So what would I have mixed feelings about?

I am happy that my family and friends came through. My sisters-in-laws, my wife, my daughter, my son, my brother, and a host of people gave of themselves. My wife again took time off from work, her co-workers did the same, just to cook and help out. I burden them with the Gathering. But they don't think of it that way. And that is what makes them good people.  Lot of good people out there. 

I am a selfish bugger. No denying that. I wanted more people to come. More of my colleagues, friends and family. That didn't happen. Each year I went over to the Native organizations in Winnipeg. I mailed, emailed letters and posters to countless communities, entities and people. I telephoned some reserves and spoke to their health workers, their suicide workers.  These organizations and agencies are in the news when a tragic event occurs. Move the cameras away and where are they? 

I guess they didn't have time to take part. I invited anyone to help organize, to give input. You know almost all Native organizations ignored me. Lot of Traditional people ignored me. I passed Tobacco to a few people. They accepted the Tobacco but didn't come. 

Why did I want people there? Because Suicide to me is personal! You fucking rights its personal. I want people to know that its god damn hell to be a survivor. To hear what people go through. Not just me but a whole bunch of people. So why don't people care? Why do they only go to an event where it is one that you have to pay to attend?

You know what?  The people who spoke were just so fucking great. If you didn't learn anything from them, than you are blind and deaf even though you can see and hear.

So I have mixed feelings. Because I know people missed out. They missed out something beautiful. I wish many more could have experienced the wisdom, the sincerity, the kindness, the hurt and the hope that these good people shared.  It wasn't about me personally at the Gathering. I don't use it to stand up and say look at me, I am pitiful. I stand off to the side. I stand with people. I am not good but I am not bad either. I just try to do something, anything that might help to ease pain.

You know what?- it is too bad. Too bad, we can't support each other more. People talk a good game. But in the end, as my cousin used to say, "they are phoney, and people don't like that shit". 

Bertha Fontaine

Cheryl Alexander

Shannon Buck - Wabunnong Noodin

Annette Dugas

April Kakapentum

Barb Nicole

Leslie Dugas

Trish- Suvivor

Cheryl James

Diane - Survivor

Joe Daniels - Traditional Teacher - Sagkeeng Councilor

Ron Mandamin - Don Courchene

Wab Kinew - Shamattawa Youth

Delores - Cynthia - Cross Lake Cree - Survivors

Singers -

Steve - Mitch - Chickadee

Wab Kinew - NACM

Jackie Traverse - Artist - Activist

Linda Stevenson - Good person

Wab - Chloe

Shamattawa youth group

Leslie Dugas

Making Tobacco Ties

Mediwiwin Teacher Ron Indian Mandamin - Shoal Lake

Thunderbird House Winnipeg Manitoba

Arial View Thanks to Global News Winnipeg.

 

 

Addicts will mess up everytime

"An addict will always sooner or later, fuck up". That is what my friend told me quite some time ago. My friend grew up along side of gamblers. Not his family, but all those associated in his Dad's business. My friend said, that an addict will chose their addiction over everything else overtime. He has first hand knowledge as he saw gamblers, close family friends lose everything over their addiction.
An addict will rationale everything so others are to blame. Never the Addicts fault is it?

You know what else is unique to addicts?  They don't grow. At least, most of them are stuck in a certain age. Ever notice how immature an addict can be?  It is because they don't grow. They don't know how. How do you contend with the actions of an addict?

No matter what you do, you will be the bad guy. An addict looks for validation of how they want things to be. They will provoke, they will be upset, they will work themselves up into an argument with you, until they get the reaction they thrive on. They want to be the victim. Always the victim.

The sad thing is that after an argument you feel like the bad guy. You let your emotions go and you argue. Wrong thing to do. But how can you reason with insanity? An addict is insane. No one sane would give up their family for something that destroys lives. So that must be it. They must not be sane. What else could it be? You would not willing let an addiction suck the life out of your soul? Would you?

I like the idea that an addict can beat the addiction. That they can start to grow again. That joy can come back into their lives. I mean real joy. Joy in the feeling that you can love someone, something other than an addiction. I hope for that.

So it is better to think that an addict can be more than a fuck up. They can be more than a mess up. That in the end they will chose a good life rather than a sick life.

You know what it says on my Mom's epitaph says? It says "Weweni Mino Pimatisiwin"  She lived a good life.  That is what people want, to live a good life. I was glad that my Mom did live a good life.