So I am a phoney.

I guess that happens. The transgressions of our past will always haunt us. If not, someone will make sure you are reminded that you are no good. They will rip you a "new one" and throw your shit in your face.

I know. That happens.

Sure I am a no good guy. I know that. No one needs to remind me. I did awful things. If you are going to list my sins, at least make a good long list.

What can you say when someone does that? You can be amused, or even angry. In my case I was sad.
I know how I am and how I don't feel good about myself. You can't make me feel bad about myself, because I know who I am, and I do not like what I see.

But hey at least you tried and you did your best. Now have a cup of coco.

As for me I will go along trying to work through my demons. I will never succeed but maybe one day I can look in the mirror and at least know I gave it on honest effort.

It's funny how people can only look at the bad side of things, of what you have done and that's all. Doesn't matter you have made effort of kindness and redemption.






"And fuck them if they can't take a joke."   :D

Irrelevant

"The world is not my home
I'm just a passin thru"...

the immortal Tom Waits.  He says it all.

Gidimaagenim: A Pity

Driving around with my Dad in the City of Winnipeg, and he looked around at the people and he said "'gidimaazi". People are poor, its a pity.  My Dad has been staying at the house for a while. He has the early onset of Alzheimer's. It is funny because you don't know if he is teasing at times, but sad when you know he is not. You see startling clarity at times  when he is watching things.

He reminded me of how hard it can be for people. He made me think. I am tired but must realize that the whole world is tired as well. We have friends family that are going through hardship. We need to think outside of our own struggles.

I am tired. My body aches. It is weird, but I get physically sick when I do worry about perceived or real troubles.

People are poor.  That statement is not really about material wealth, cash, but about the life. Sometimes its life, or lack of life that makes us poor.

Take heart, there are people out there that are not poor. They are rich in character. Rich in friends and outlook. Latch onto those people. Feed off their goodness and their richness.

Pass on that richness. Make someone smile. Make someone happy. Sometimes a kind gesture will do that. Enrich the lives of others and you will enrich your own life.

Sounds cliche and phoney. It's not.

I truly think that if we keep exercising our compassion and kindness we can make ourselves happy.