Shared Heartache

 Well hello there folks. Going to be 20 years since my Boy hanged himself in his mother's closet in her apartment in Winnipeg. I don't forget to think of him everyday. It's a ritual for me. Many times I remember him as a young child and other times when he is a young man. He killed himself when he was 20 years old. He struggled with addiction and it finally crushed him. So I do have an issue with drug use and drug dealers. I struggle and share the pain of failure because I know in my heart, I contributed to his addiction and his death. At the same time I now realize it was his choice to make and it was a decision I had no real control over. I just wished he would have reached out to me before he killed himself. It is funny though, after all this time I should have "moved on." Moved on from the day of his death. Moved on from the regrets I relive almost every night as I lay in bed. There are so many regrets, not just about my boy but of my whole adult life. I think people expect a certain amount of lessening with pain over time. I suppose that is true. Still it does fucking hurt to beat all hell when you take the time and relive the moment. 

The reason it came to my mind to express and share the feelings about my Boy is due to the Netflix series, "Untamed."  Eric Bana acts as some kind of Wilderness Park cop who has lost in son. In the show he can see and talk with his child. I want that. I want to share moments with my Boy. I remember not long after he died, I was on the bus and I could actually see him sitting on the bus with me. Now I can hardly imagine the sound of his voice. I have old videos of him as a child but have not converted them into files that can be played on computer system. There are old VHS, and other videos types that are somewhere, I don't even know where they are. I always say I'm going to convert them to digital format. 20 years has past and I haven't done a single thing yet. The thing about having someone die so long ago, you know one hundred percent no one wants to hear about it. There is so much heartache out there. Why share the heartache? 

A suicide took place just this past week in our Reserve. You don't hear anything about it. Usually word travels all over; "who's family is that?" No gossip anywhere. The amount of death in our community, to cancer, to diabetes, to drug poisoning (commonly referred to as Overdose), to suicide has become common place. Our community is known to have the most amount of Women to be on Canada's Murdered Missing Indigenous Women (MMIW)list. Our community is not alone with a high death rate. Many of our Indigenous communities share the heartache of family dying. 

That's the thing about shared heartache, it is a shared experience, if it does not happen to us, we don't feel it. When I was thinking about Shared Heartache, and I can see how the pain can be. Still even with shared heartache we may not have empathy or sympathy for others. 

Share Heartache is happening right now in the world. I was sitting with a Ukrainian Woman last week. She is now living in Canada because of the war in her country. She is adjusting to a different culture here. She is in her forties, with three children and a husband. They are fortunate to have jobs. The children have made friends and are learning English language. She has family back in her country. I also met a man from Lebanon. He moved here a number of years ago and has not regretted it. He has family still living in Lebanon. He spoke about a family member who just disappeared and they don't know if he is alive or dead. The shared heartache of loss, of war, of displacement. I don't share their heartache but I sympathize. Can I share their heartache? I can "feel" for them for sure. 

I wonder if we don't share heartache does what happens to others mean anything? Mean anything to us? 

Fuck Israel. 

What Works Blasting or Being Reasonable

 White folk have a thing called a Town Hall meeting. I have never been to such an event. Only reference for me is the Woman in the Simpsons television show screaming, "what about the children?" It is a spoof of  what happens at a Town Hall meeting of course. We do know how matters take place in Town Hall meetings. There are many segments, examples on the News, showing public meetings, seminars.  Even in movies and television shows we see the drama, comedy of public meetings. There is always the angry person in the crowd. Making sure they are heard, or try to be heard. Sometimes it "gets-out-of-hand." In reality I suppose, it is normal for this loud angry speaking to occur. Sometimes you have to raise your voice to be heard. I wonder how effective blasting at people can be? What is the alternative, speak reasonably so you don't turn people off, make them not want to hear you. If you're reasonable, even toned speaking are you taken seriously? Can the passion you feel about the issue be properly expressed in a calm voice? Or does your passion have to visually demonstrated with spit flying from you mouth? 

In Indian country we have the town hall equivalent called "the Band Meeting." Oooohhh, the dreaded Band Meeting. Nope, we are not talking about the band meetings of the Methodists. Those are meetings of a few people who pray and confess their sins to each other. Nope we are talking about the Band Meetings where the Chief and Council of a Band, stand in front and meet their community members. Many a Chief and Council have felt the Blasting of the Band Member at these Band Meetings. The barrage of barbs, claims of corruption, accusations of nepotism come quickly and with venomous vitriol. We have the equivalent of the wider society's "Karen." These Women and lesser men are prone to take over the Town Hall meeting, but in the Band Meeting you dare not interrupt the Karen, or in our case, the Ombiigizi. In many of our Native-Indian communities we tend to tolerate the loud mouths. We tolerate it so much it is part of the Band Meeting. The obligatory slogan, "what about the children," is usually strewn about by our loud ones. 

The slogan varies, with "I worry for my grandchildren," or "our children are the future." to make it known they are really caring individuals. They are beyond reproach and damn you, if you dare to question their moral authority. The overall sentiment is that they have every right to demean you, to tear a huge hole right in your arse. Theirs is the only voice that matters in the Band Meeting. Just the other day, I witnessed a verbal barrage at a group of people by one of our Elders. To put in context, a group from our community were guests at another Indian Reserve. It was a happy event, with gifts exchanged, good kind words to each other and food. For some reason, one of our Elders decided that it was a fitting place to "voice" concerns about events happening in our community, which had nothing to do with our hosts community. The Elder scolded our hosts, it was like she was at one of our Band Meetings and just went with was natural to her. She capped off her tirade with "I'm passionate and make no apology for that." 

Fuck sakes. 

Like, I'm passionate can be used as a key for excusing rude behaviour. "I'm passionate so I can just go around blasting anyone and it makes it okay, because I am passionate." Heck. I'm passionate about masturbation but you don't see me tossing seminal fluid at everyone and everywhere. You just can't do that. Only Harvey Weinstein, and Louis CK , both rich white men, can masturbate in front of Women. What would happen if me, a poor Indian guy, were to masturbate around like they did? For sure a blasting is not the only thing that would happen to me. So why are we willing to excuse, normalize the Karens, the whinners, the criers, the loud mouths (at Band Meetings) the "Passionate?" 

We most likely have all done it, lashed out in anger, raised the voice, kicked a chair, pointed a finger, maybe even pulled your pants down showed off your arse (the moon) to make a point. Still does the point get heard when it is loud or does the message get drowned out because of the noise. I don't know. The only thing I know is I would rather listen to someone being clear, calm, even joking, that is what I would rather hear. Can we hear the passion if the voice is calm? Perhaps we need the loud, the angry, for the passionate to be heard. I just don't know. 

Sagkeeng Anishinaabe Nation meets Pikwakanagan Algonquin Nation: Talk Chalk River

 A group of people traveled to Ontario from Manitoba to visit the Chalk River Nuclear site. The reason they went was to try get and understanding of what it means to decommission a Nuclear site. The visit was very interesting, scary and fun. The interesting part was the visual anticipation of what a Nuclear site looked like. The scary part is we are talking radiation here. The fun part was the Sagkeeng Leadership and the Elders along for the trip. The Sagkeeng group were fully engaged in listening to the various parties that were met.

We'll discuss the visit reasons a bit more later in the post. The good news was visiting, meeting a First Nation we had not known before our trip to their Territory. Pikwakanagan was our last visit to the region. Our Chief, EJ Fontaine, Councilors, Tanya Bunn, Dwight Swampy, Johnnish Courchene, Henry Swampy lead the delegation of Sagkeeng Members. The delegation comprised of Elders, and youth representatives of our Band. At Pikwakanagan we were hosted to a tour of their community, a history of their Nation, and a Ceremonial Feast. Our hosts were Chief Greg Sarazin, Council Don Bilodeau, Merv Sarazin, PJ Leroux,  Vicky Two Axe, Sherry Kohoko, Dale Benoit and community Elders and members. 

There were welcoming remarks, gifts given to  our delegation from Chief and Council. Our Chief of Sagkeeng and Elder Mary Starr presented gifts to the Chief and Council. Both Chiefs were gracious in their remarks and hoped to establish a friendship and information network. It never ceases to bring me pride at how generous, kind and full of joy our people are. Doesn't matter the community, when strangers come in, they are treated better than cousins and family (family can be annoying that's why). Pikwakanagan is very proud (and rightly so) of their community. They have a rich history and are known for the Birch Bark Canoes. A legacy of Traditional Canoe building which still carries on in the community. The people of Pikwakanagan are fully engaged in Traditional practices. The language, like all our communities, has been attacked and is full of scars. Thanks to their community, a revitalization of the Language is part of their focus. 

Piwakanagan has been active in voicing their concerns regarding Chalk River for a long time. It seems they are finally having discussions with Chalk River. The Chalk River does pose real threats to their territory. Chalk River is the dumping ground for Nuclear waste from plants all over Canada. As history reveals, no consideration of the Indigenous population has been the reality of decisions made by Canada to Pikwakanagan members ( and other First Nations in all sectors). The 1952 and 1958 nuclear "accidents" at Chalk River are examples of how serious the threat is to the Land, the Water, the Wild life and people. Our group visited the Pikwakanagan people and how they are affected. How they are now moving forward with the radiation threat in their yards. The reason we are interested is due to the Pinawa Nuclear plant decommission in Manitoba. In 1978 WR-1 nuclear plant leaked 2,731 radioactive oil into the Winnipeg river, the drinking source of Sagkeeng. It took "several weeks" to find and repair the leak. Guess who didn't know about the leak? The Indians of course (but why do they matter anyways). The situation of Pinawa is of great concern to the people in the area, as it should be. So, the reason for the trip to Chalk River and Piwakanagan. Pinawa has plans in place to continue dismantling the site. The company dismantling the Pinawas site, didn't even consider Sagkeeng in the conversation. The Canadian Nuclear Laboratories (CNL) failed to speak with Sagkeeng, In 2018 Sagkeeng Leadership said "Hey man, you fuckers didn't even consult us" or words to that affect. Now there is a delay of the decommissioning  process. There are safety concerns to the area, the Land, the Water, Water the people drink. 

When Sagkeeng met with CNL representatives there were lots of laughs. Our community, as a whole, are known for their teasing, their joking and their laughter. They are also know for being Zanagizi (can be difficult). We were being provided with a presentation at the Chalk River site by their representatives, I felt for a second that I was in a Band meeting (Band meetings in our Reserve anyway, can be volatile). There were some hard, some very harsh words being delivered by a few people in our delegation. One of our Elders is quite known for  Ombiigizi at meetings. One thing for sure, she is known for her aggression at meetings. Thing about Sagkeeng is their quick turns. One minute they are hammering you and the next they are laughing, teasing and joking with you. I always wonder if White folk think "these Indians are crazy," one moment drilling you and the next second, it's like you are "their best friend." For me I have seen this before at meetings, shooting arrows at the Wagons and the next thing fixing their wheels. I know it is a release of the way things have always been for Neechies, (an ugly system that ignores First Nations) the Whites have no real consideration for us. So these Chalk River representatives are just Poogets. They are not the decision makers, they are just there to fluff our pillows, pacify the Indians. The real decisions makers are sitting in the Big Office. Our people know this too, but, Hey if we get a chance to voice, we will voice. Even if we know it is voicing to the bottom-barrel people.

Speaking about our loud one, it was embarrassing for us, when she spoke at the Community Feast (man the food was good, Moose meat on the menu) and lectured Piwakanagan. The issue of the nuclear situation is scary. This Elder spoke on how she is afraid for the children, grandchildren to be brought into the world where radiation from the Pinawa plant is a possibility. Our Elder is known to be vocal, but a well meaning person. The problem for me is this: you don't go into someone's home and lecture them or scold them. The Piwakanagan Nation is not responsible for the radiation in our area. They are working to ensure that their people, their community, their water, the Land is safe for their generations as well. The Sagkeeng Elder was wrong. Sure, the Elder can say they are passionate and make no apology for it, but it was still very wrong. Piwakanagan was hosting us in their home, feeding us, gifting us and we have the nerve, the audacity to scold them. It was embarrassing. I felt for our Chief and Council, and our community that we could insult our hosts. A strong Piwakanagan Ikwe stood and answered our Mongidone. For Piwakanagan the issue is safe storage, and a voice in what takes place. The past is done, the Nuclear plants have been built and placed with no Indigenous consideration at all. The damage is done, now how can we make sure our children are safe and what can we do in this case. The issue is now the aftermath of the nuclear plants. Chalk River is Algonquin territory and should be involved. The problem for the Algonquin Nation is the site is a dumping ground for radioactive material. The radioactive rods from Pinawa plant are being stored at chalk river. What we have to consider is the building. In Pinawa the building is 90 feet under ground. Most of the radioactive material is gone, maybe there is still some of the lesser things, like the radiation suits, gloves and things like that. I am not sure but I think it has already been moved to Chalk River. Chalk River has a lot of Sea-Cans (those big steel containers used to ship stuff on those big Ships) which are full of the "low radiation" materials, like worker contamination gear. Chalk River is also a storage site for High Level Radioactive materials. 

Sagkeeng has work to do: learn all they can about the Pinawa proposals for nuclear waste clean-up, storage. I grew up in Sagkeeng and lived through the Pinawa Radiation spill era in 1978.  We were swimming all the time, fishing. My Dad, along with many others in the Reserve, netted fish in the Winnipeg river and we angled fish. Winnipeg River is our source of drinking water. The thing is we never knew about the spillage. In comparison, we were made aware of the dumping sewage from the Paper mill into the River, but it was reported to the Band long after the spill had taken place. The Mill was the main polluter, in our area, at least we thought (third worst polluter in Manitoba). The Paper Mill was notorious for polluting the river and the air, not including the decimation of the Forest. There was no incentive or instruction in the Law to inform the Indians of any "incidents," like spillage into the waterways.  Little did we know of the nuclear spills from Pinawa nuclear plant. We had no knowledge of the oil dumped into the River system. We were kind of aware of the Nuclear plant in Pinawa but didn't really comprehend the magnitude of what it meant. Now the actions of the various companies have not been historically transparent. The result, a reluctance from Indigenous communities to say "sure, we trust you, go ahead and do you." How can we can trust someone who has a history of not being honest? 

So now the situation is this: remove the physical plant from the under ground, then store the plant into shipping containers, move those containers across 2,000 kilometers and then store it at the Chalk River site. Okay that's cool. Or we can do this, Leave the high level radioactive building in the ground, but cover it with concrete material. Contain the radiation and just watch it (monitoring) the next hundred years or so. The preferred method of storing High Level Waste (HWL) is for deep cavern burial. At Chalk River they have above ground storage vessels (Near Surface Disposal Facility NSDF). 

  So, what's our play here? Risk exposure of the radiation to the area by digging it out of ground, dismantling it, put in containers big enough to hold the dismantled building, ship the tons of material across different people's territories and store it at some other First Nation's territory. Like NIMBY, out of my sight, so it's not my problem. 

 

  

 A difficult decision but really no choice in the matter. Sagkeeng cannot willingly want to put radioactive material in the yard of another Indian. Yet we shouldn't have the radioactive material in our own yard as well. So do we condemn relatives to the radiation? Or do we keep it locked in the ground and hope for the best? As it is, we have little choice to go with the best techniques at hand. We need to keep it locked in the ground. The best or least worse option is to keep it buried. In the future the science may get better. 

Sagkeeng could have their own people trained for monitoring the site (at least 50 years). Of course there will be risks. Sagkeeng had a person whose job was to work with the Pinawa plant's activities (the decommission). The problem with this was, although the guy is a relatively nice, friendly, affable, he didn't do anything as far as we could tell.  No information was provided to the community. Going forward we will need people to be good, competent at the job. They will be the alarms for the community. Your alarm is only as good as the person is at their job. Remember Walkerton Ontario, when the water monitor ending up killing 7 people, making 2000 people sick. Some of those people still have long lasting issues now. There was monitoring in place but it failed due to human error. Other risks include the Private sector influence on the nuclear sector. Canada's Conservative government gave (sold) the Nuclear sites to CNL. We know in other resource sectors, the private companies abandon the work sites once they exhaust the resources. The clean-up is not always complete, will this happen with nuclear sites?  

The Nuclear industry is a mine field of danger, environmental risks, moral dilemmas, and of course greed. Canada is rich in Uranium and is the largest supplier of medical isotopes. The Nuclear industry will only expand as the private sector likes money. 

Sagkeeng will need to be involved in the actions of Pinawa shut down. Decision should be to keep it buried, and watch it closely for the future. It is the best practice of the day. Most likely the cheapest cost for CNL as well. 

An Anishinaabe Prayer You Can Learn

 

Who Should Die First?

 I have changed my mind to, Yes, some people should die. Who am I to want this?  Well now, I will tell you who the heck I am. I am a enraged lunatic who is fed up with the injustices of the world. Pissed right off at the scum of the Earth, the dried up bubble gum on the door handles at the government office. And, I am not happy with the uglies. Like Arlo Guthrie once said: "may not be moral enough to join the army after after committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me... the meanest, ugliest nastiet one, the meanest father raper of them all..." These are the kind of people I am considering who should die first. The real mean, nasty ugly looking folk. These are the first ones to die. 

Like many, I am horrified at the happenings in the world; Genocide taking place against Palestine, Endless war in the Ukraine, mass killings in Congo, Nigeria, United States continues to terrorize the world, and majority of Rich countries killing the planet, the ultra-rich individuals eating kids. There is in fact this one unhinged individual who really wants to anal his own daughter. Can you imagine that? Sad thing, is looks like this daughter actually encourages her father's appetite for depravity. So much so, her porn-star-stepmom, is jealous of her. The wildness weirdness of rich people (white people in this case). Speaking of anal, there is this Adam Sandler movie where he could stop time. In one scene he stopped time, slapped the Knight Rider actor the H, farted in his mouth so the H could taste poop in his mouth. Wouldn't that be a funny thing if Putin was to defecate in the Orange ones mouth. Be even funnier if it was Claudia Sheinbaum who shit in his face.

The imagination of people is incredible. Can you imagine if the ultra-rich (the likes of Musk, Arnault, Bezos, Zuckerberg, Buffet, Gates, Page, Ellison, Bloomberg, etc) being made to do nasty public stuff. There is a storyline in the Black Mirror television show, where the Prime Minister of England must make decision or let the England Princess be murdered. He is asked to have meaningful intimate sexual intercourse with a large pig. The whole act of this love-making is to be broadcast on television. Should this guy save her life? Now this is something that should take place with the ultra-rich as the participants, don't you think? 

The wild and horrible things fictionally made up for public entertainment is actually tame in compare to the happenings in the world right. And the horrible things in the world can be directly and indirectly linked, attributed to those ultra-rich and the governments who suck their wrinkly sacks. I would shed not a tear for anyone of those individuals to die or be made to humiliate themselves to the world. 

Heck with them and the offspring who bare their name. 

Where Is Our Naru? Where Is Our Billy Jack? Where Is Our Willie Jack?

 In our Reserve, Sagkeeng Anishinaabe Nation, the Meth Crisis is bringing pain to the People. In our Province, Manitoba and our country Canada, the police are bringing pain to the People, Indian people. In the World, the Zionists are bringing pain to the Indigenous Palestinian people. Lot of pain brought to the People around the world. So what can we do to stop or even ease the pain? I don't know about the world but in our Reserve, our community, we sure could use a hero. 

There are lots of issues in our community. 

So we need Jack, Billy Jack, to introduce themselves. Billy will mostly likely be a Woman, an Ogichidaa. 

"You know what I think I'm gonna do then... just for the hell of it... I'm gonna take this right foot, and I'm gonna whop you on that side of your face...and you wanna know something? There's no a damn thing you're gonna be able to do about it."  Billy Jack 

"You think that I'm not a Hunter like you. That I'm not a threat. That's what makes me dangerous." Naru

"Stoodis, Skoden." 

Trump the Rhetard?

 The Twilight Zone television show was incredible. The opening dialog with the creator's unique voice, Rod Serling.  Admit it, you can hear his voice: “You’re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That’s the signpost up ahead — your next stop, the Twilight Zone.” The Twilight show is what the world has been experiencing for a while now. The lock-down of the World with a Pandemic, the resurgence of Nazism through Zionism/Israel, the rise of Billionaires, the election of Donald Trump-a criminal. Art really captures life and still, we are surprised. 

I was going to do a post highlighting the Upside of Trump, but the page would be a blank white sheet. The blank-white sheet appropriate in more ways that one.  Elon Musk, Mdga-Billionaire and proud Nazi, gave Trump more 277 millions dollars. This gift (cash is king) to "The Donald" resulted in Musk becoming top dog in the US government. Funny stuff, because Musk is in charge of taking away jobs from the work force.  There are so many examples of Trump saying and doing insane things. 

Twilight Zone, Black and White original, aired a segment called "It's a Good Life." This episode is a exactly the story of Donald Trump, a petulant child. This child is a monster, only wanting to have all things his way. In the Twilight Zone, there is no happy ending. This monster child just destroys anything he dislikes or whomever disagrees with him. 

The world is looking at Trump and they see a Petulant Child (A petulant child is often described as one who exhibits irritability, peevishness, and impatience. This behavior can manifest as sulking, pouting, and general discontent, similar to a toddler's temper tantrum but in a more mature form2. The term "petulant" itself refers to being easily annoyed and complaining in a rude manner). 

While the World sees a Retarded leader, the United States have embraced this full diaper as their best, their god. What does that say about the "greatest place in the world?"  As the Great Kirk Lazarus says, "You never go full retard." 

The United States went full retard.