Thursday, August 30, 2018

Guess We Should Chose Life

Suicide must cross everyone's mind. What takes it from a random thought to contemplation and finally to execution?

Been struggling with suicide for years now. First attempt, real attempt was when I was 17 years old. Pulled the trigger of the gun, pointed at my chest. No fire. The bullet didn't go off. Can you imagine the odds?

This month has been a real struggle. The constant thought in my head about ending my life. It gets really deep in my mind and the struggle is real. With a decision always coming close. It is quite weird in a way.


I know its not a good thing to do. Ending your life when there are so many good in your life is just wrong. I think it would be a blessing if I were suffering in other ways besides depression. The joy of those in my life would be apparent. As it is, the joy is always being undermined by my own feelings and thoughts. Weird and selfish I know.

So I will continue to chose life. I have a great partner, my wife Suz. I have great kids and grandkids. I have a great family and friends. So what's not to live for, right?

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Ni' Shaa ga

Sitting late at night thinking about our 25 wedding anniversary. Been some good years and of course many mistakes.  The mistakes were mine of course. Those are the regrets, my mistakes and not realizing how lucky I was.