Monday, May 30, 2016

Grief - multiply by infinity take to the depth of forever and you will still have barely a glimpse...

Joe Black: So that's what love is according to William Parrish?
William Parrish: Multiply it by infinity, and take it to the depth of forever, and you will still have barely a glimpse of what I'm talking about.
Joe Black: Those were my words.
William Parrish: They're mine now.

The movie was called Joe Black and it was a dead man-to-be speaking with Death.  A long movie. I watched it a few times. I am a fan of Brad Pitt and Sir Anthony Hopkins. It was a weird movie. Death falls in love with this Doctor. The Doctor role played by exquisite actor Claire Forlani.  Her character was a doctor but she was like a wilted flower. A doctor yet and still having the damsel in distress role. Weird.

Anyway I was thinking of the quote of William Parrish and Joe Black. That is how many of us must feel when it comes to understanding or trying to comprehend our grief.

A relative and friend recently lost their child/grandchild/niece and it is tragic. No words can  possibly capture the hurt, the anguish, the pain and the loss they are going through. That is why I think of the quote. It is infinite.

They say time heals all wounds. I know that it is not true. Sure it does mend some wounds and some grief. Still some wounds will never heal.

If it were true that wounds heal we would not have the "broken heart syndrome".

For me the loss of our Son is never going to heal. I struggle every single night with the knowledge of his death.

I know loss. Many of us do. We have lost parents grandparents siblings cousins friends and of sadly children.  When my nephew died my Mom was devastated. I remember thinking about how I was affected but not to the extent of my Mother and I had no clue. She was overwhelmed with the loss of her Grandson.  So now that I have lost a child (will be eleven years this August) I can start to comprehend her sorrow  and a little of the sorrow my friends are experiencing.

Can you imagine the sorrow in our communities? The loss of life in our community is huge. I am speaking about the Indigenous community. With all the social ills faced by Indigenous folk the world over, you have to wonder how the Creator can allow this to go on?

My faith is not all that strong anymore. It is the crippling  guilt of loss which has me wondering many times. Still I try to have faith. Have faith I will once again see the love ones I miss.

If there is no chance of that, then what is the point?

But I think also of the lives still here. They are gifts. Gifts. We should appreciate those gifts even while we are gripped by grief. Grief will always be there, sitting on our shoulders but the gifts will be there as well, the gifts are within our grasps. We must hang onto the gifts.

I miss my Son every single day. I struggle many times with thoughts of self harm but it is the grasp that I have on the gifts in front of me that keep my living.

I love my gifts. The gifts I am thankful the Creator has presented to me. 

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