Monday, August 28, 2017

Bury the Bitterness

Warning. This post is filled with profanity and ugliness. So please disregard if you want to stay in a good head space right now. Come back and read if you feel like reading me gripe.


I learned the hard way not to vent to others. Write it down. Throw it out. Tell God Keep it to yourself

Canada is celebrating 150.  Canada is funny. We can talk about the whole Canada and Canadians defending and denying their treatment of Indigenous people or we can talk about more personal issues.

I am bitter. Bitter about the racist turds in Canada and the US. They are so ugly. I am bitter about White people in general. They are so messed up. I am bitter about growing old. I am bitter about the government sucking arse to big money, the lobby groups and face companies. I am bitter than a man like Trump exists in the world. I am bitter that he is allowed to shit on people and live large. I am bitter that his kids are arseholes. I am bitter that his wife sold her vagina for a piece of gold. I am bitter that Trump gets to fuck people over and is rewarded for it over and over again. I am bitter because of how stupid people are. I am bitter because evil fuck lords seem to winning in the world.

I am bitter because my son is dead and evil selfish people live life with no regard for the world. Why can't there be any way to make them pay? I am bitter because the world is dying. Stupid greedy people are killing the Earth. We all take part in the killing for the all might dollar. I am bitter because I can't say "you stupid fucking white people are the devil". You stupid money chasing arseholes are killing the world.

How come the ugly people don't face consequences? How come its poor people who get the stick up the arse? How come cars keep changing little things on them? They can't use the same lights, mechanical parts and more stuff just ends up in the garbage piles? How come actors and sports players get paid more than a brain doctor or cancer doctor? How  come CEO's of companies only think in quarters? They don't think of lives of workers or the planet, just the earnings of a company after four months?

Why in the fuck do people listen to celebrities? How come leaders are not in the front lines of war? Shouldn't that be the way?

Why do people continue to shit on the Indian? How come even new comers think we get free stuff? Why are Canadians and Americans so fucking stupid when it comes to the Rights of Indians?

Why do I care how people treat us? Why do I always get suckered into believing people are generally good? I mean I want people to be good and live good life. Why can't I be better?

I am angry that good people like my Mom got cancer and died. She didn't deserve it. Yes some people deserve it. Those who are ugly to the core.

I am angry I did wrong things and made ugly choices. I  am angry because I can't change the things I did. I am angry.  I am angry I couldn't be a better Dad, a better son, a better friend, a better husband, a better Indian.

I am bitter that politicians lie. They only think of getting back into office. I am bitter because people don't appreciate what they have.

I am bitter because we are not kind to people running from war, from death, from horror.
I am bitter

I am bitter because I don't live with the bitterness. I hold the door. I will pay for lunch for police and they don't know it was me. I will try to give rides to people who need it. I will try and share a smile to people. I am bitter because I will think of others and go and do something for them and they don't care. I am bitter because its not stuck in me to be bitter. I am bitter because so many of our kids are dying. Dying from addictions and from taking their own lives.


I learned the hard way not to vent to others. Write it down. Throw it out. Tell God Keep it to yourself. 





3 comments:

  1. Your powerful for writing down your bitterness. I'm just now learning how to. For the longest time I was scared to because then it becomes real. I would have to look at my anger, despair, shame, mistakes, ect. And acknowledge that that storm of emotion are mine. Those action are mine.
    Because of that I held in toxic rage that had no wear to go but in.
    I'm changing that now and talking more.

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  2. Aaniin, Booshoo, (I just learned that one) This is one of my many favourites of yours Steve. I hear, see, and feel all your words. I too have a list of "Bitters" but like you I have chosen to not to let them define me. One of my 3 daughters, when she was in her early teens, called me a doormat. I didn't say anything at the time because I don't have to have the last word, especially to a 13 year old. But I would have said that it takes great strength to be gracious towards those that have hurt you and even greater strength to not fall victim to pain, grief, sorrow and injustice. This road to becoming better versions of ourselves is not an easy one. I'm pleased to add that over 10 years later, she now sees her mom differently. Miigwech my new friend. Lorraine - Rama

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  3. Aaniin Lorraine. Welcome to the Blog and hope to visit with you time and time again. I don't want to be bitter and rather be visiting with new folk having tea.

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