My wife and I have a blended family. I have two children from a previous relationship and my moral compass, my hero, my best friend and wife has a child from a previous relationship as well. We also have a child together; she is our youngest child. Our children are grown up now and we have three grandchildren. Our oldest boy has two kids and our oldest daughter has one. The grand children are ours regardless. We became a couple when our children were young. Of course it was an adjustment. There was some real good times and some rough times. The rough times on account of my insecurity and immature jealousy. It took some time, some patience on my Wife's part and some growing up on my part. We did make it. It was not without some struggle to start with. The "my kid, your kid" was a weaponized statement. It was used as a weapon; a club of insecurity. Now our blended family is no longer blended; our family is just our family. There is no "your kid" or "my kid" going on. Although now we may tease about the kids, "your kid."
The other day I stopped to pick up a parcel that was from the pre-school fundraiser. The Woman handling the fundraiser was very nice. There was an older gentlemen with her as well. I shook his hand and he introduced himself and he told me he was the step-father of the woman. It was interesting. I remembered what my Mom wrote on her death bed. My Mom was really sick with cancer and was dictating to her sister about Mom's wishes. In her death letter she talked about her siblings. She said the oldest brother was her brother and there was no such thing as step-brother. My Uncle Louis was her oldest brother. My Grandfather's first wife died and he remarried. His son Louis was the son of his first wife. To my Aunties and Uncles he was their brother and that is that.
As a young guy I heard many older relatives talking about other kids of a family, the blended family kids. It was not always pleasant conversations. It was the way it was, but shouldn't have been that way.
The really sad and messed up thing, it is the kids who are targeted. I know plenty in our community that are the outsiders in a blended family. It shouldn't be like that. My oldest grandchildren do not have DNA markers of mine. I dread the thought of someone saying to them or to me that they are not my "REAL" grandkids. They are my babies. It would hurt me deeply. I am their grandpa.
This week the government of Canada is trying to do something about their actions regarding Indigenous kids. The government and their agents stole thousands of kids from their parents and gave them away or sold them. These kids became the blended kids in other families. Do you think they were treated like "family"? Some very luck ones yes. Others were the outsiders, the not real part of the family. Can you imagine that, growing up not being part of the family? I wonder if blood is the only thing which makes us family? It should not be. Look at it like this, your wife or husband is not your blood but they become your family, after all you don't marry your sibling, do you? So DNA, blood does not make a family. You become a family with friendship, and yes, love.
My Mom didn't like that kind of thing, the outsider. Kids need to know they are loved all the time. People have to overcome the urge to be hard on the kids. Kids remember and will not forget what is said to them. Let's hope they have good memories. This reminds me of the time an older relative requested I ask my Mom about his Dad. You see there are stories that my friend, my relative is actually our uncle, as in his biological Dad is my Dad's Dad (sounds funny eh?) - my Mishoom. So I asked my Mom who was my friend's Dad. My Mom got mad at me and only said, "his Dad is his Dad." This was the end of the story.
There is enough hardship in life that our children will endure, let's not add to it. Let's be kind to them after all they are real kids.
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