Twist Your Face If You Make Fun Of Me

 My Cousin Boyshum was a really big guy. Tall, broad, brown, strong and forever working in the bush or on machinery. He was not a bully but you didn't mess with him. He was constantly teasing folks. Sometimes teasing is not easy to take. Still in the world's eye (my eyes), Boyshum was a heck of a good man. One of the things about people growing up in our Reserve was, you didn't make fun of Indian Medicine people. It was also one of Boyshum's sayings: "Boy, you make fun of those old Indians and your face will be all twisted and your mouth will be by your eyes." People in the Reserve were lead to believe Indian Medicine was bad medicine. Ah the good old priests and nuns sure sold a sad tale of serpents and demons to the Indian folk in the community. And many folk bought into it a little bit. They still practiced it; keemooch (secretly). It is said even famous actress and human rights defender Angelina Jolie had her face twisted. Bad Indian medicine? Of course the news calls it Bell's Palsy. 

Twisted Faces. 

Through it all Angelina Jolie stood strong with her twisted face. She suggested that her health, the twisted face, was because of the all the pressure, stress and issues she has been facing in her life (cancer, divorce, raising bunch of kids, etc). So she had a case of Bell's Palsy. I think maybe a medicine person or person's did that to her through some unseen power, magic or curse. Someone got jealous of her and decided to twist her face. Who knows who it was? Maybe someone had some of her hair or heaven forbid her blood, like in a necklace or something and they did it to her. I can't believe the handsome bugger Brad Pitt would do something like that, but you never know, it could be a jealous ex? You know like Billy Bob or even Jennifer? 

I imagine the twisting a face is not an easy thing to do, right? Where do you go for instructions on that? I tried looking in the classified's years ago when there was such a thing as a newpaper classifieds. Now you can google stuff on the internet. I haven't found any credible services for how to learn how to do "bad medicine" and twist someone's face. I once read a Christian book about 40 years ago, called the Bushman and the Spirits. It is a nice little read about the life of this Indian trapper and how he was practicing Indian Medicine for years and then converted to Christianity. Funny thing about the story, he never practiced bad medicine but did good things with his practice of Indian Medicine. Never did understand why he converted to Christianity. It didn't seem to make sense as his life seems good, but oh well, it wouldn't have been much a Christian reader if he didn't convert. In the description of the book he is presented as a witch doctor. He did mention a time when he went did offering in the bush for some good thing to happen. Maybe it's the same with when you want bad to happen? Who knows but you could try it if you feel the inclination to do so. Go out in the bush and make an offering to the Spirit's you want to help with your request. Look for a good spot in the bush, take your offering and speak to the Spirits. Then wait and see what happens. If it was good for the Bushman and the Spirits maybe it will be good for you? 

I had a friend who would twist your face. No, he didn't use Indian Medicine, he literally twisted your face.  If you fought him, he would grab your face and twist it in his hands. We called him "Mean Man." My friend, Mean Man was actually just a very nice guy. He was tough, a good rough and tough hockey player. Sort of like the legendary Boston Bruin Stan Jonathan. Stan Jonathon a Tuscarora Indian, was  a professional hockey player in the 1970's. Stan was not a very tall man but stocky. He is most noted for his powerful left hand which was on display when he took on the NHL's tough guy Pierre Bouchard. Stan Jonathan may have twisted Bouchard's face with this fists that 21st day in May, 1978. I actually watched it on television. Can you imagine how excited we were when this Indian guy twisted the face of the big white bully? Mean Man was like that, stocky and wicked in a fight. I remember he fought this guy, a bully when we were young, and Mean Man made him cry by twisting his face. I was never able to be a literal face twister. 

So face twisting fo me is going to have to be of the bad medicine type or in cyber-space. When I get the power to twist faces, I will for sure send a twist to Mitch McConnell. Have you ever seen a human being more deserving of a twisted face than that guy? Until I learn how to twist faces I will just have to keep blogging.  And to leave you with a pubic announcement: watch your hair, keep your body fluids safe and don't make fun of those Old Indians, you might find your face up by your eye one morning. 

If you don't believe, give some hair to be put in a rodent's nest. Like a rat or mouse and see how it goes from there.