A cousin of mine has lost two of his feet. He lost one foot, than he lost a finger, than another foot. Yeah, he has the diabetes. The guy was never obese and had been always active. Sure he is older now, about 67 or so. I keep meeting guys in my reserve who are losing parts to their bodies and it's from the diabetes. I asked a few of them, "what the hell happened?" This one guy is about five or six years younger than me. He has a tip of his finger gone. He said, "It just fell off. There was a little black dot and next thing you know my finger tip just rotted off." Another guy has some of his toes gone and he said the same thing, little black dot and then the doctor says "got to go," and then snip they took them. It never was any business of mine when people started to lose feet legs from amputation. Now it is my fuckin' concern because I got the diabetes. I was recently put on insulin for my sugar numbers being high as the heavens. So that was kind of a shitty moment in my life. Don't get me wrong, I have had my good share of shitty moments in my life; you know suicide of my son and high number of deaths in the Reserve. The news of insulin made me quite mournful. Mournful of youth, mournful of mistakes in my life made by me. You see, I never don't think of stuff being on me. I was always at the edge of the pool when it came to wild waves of things. My cousin shoots his wife, I was 15 and he was my older cousin, but wasn't me. A friend of mine hanged himself, I was 15 but it was his family and not me. A car accident killing 5 in front of our house, I was about 8 or 9 but remember it well (our house was on Deadman's curve). The Aunties house burning down across the highway from us. I was about 14 or 15. Nothing left but the concrete footing of the house. I remember the power lines sparking around and just whipping around on the ground. My cousins without a home, but it wasn't me.
It's by the edge of the pool but we're not diving in, falling in, or even putting or feet in. It's tragic but not really our fuckin' concern. We have a roof, a bed, a home. You know the world is in a bad way right now. The Earth will always be the Earth, but the world with human beings is in a bad way. But it's not our fuckin' concern.
Suicide has not really been a concern of mine. Sure I did my first suicide attempt at 17 (gun misfire or no Steve, no kids, not blog). My fixation with suicide, didn't come to much later in life. Again, it was around us and we were not in the pool. My nephew Jay took his own life, long before his cousin, my son took his life. Still at the time of my nephew it was not me. It was me but I still was just at the edge of the pool. My nieces and the cousins around is age were more in the pool than edge. It is weird that even things right close to us are still not our fuckin' concern. It's not us, not me.
I just saw on social media a doctors post about Loss of Ejaculation when diabetes is long in your life. I was thinking, "I don't know how to feel about that?" I mean, am I going to dip in the pool over this, or just keep sitting at the edge of the pool? And! to make matters worse, look at this: "Erectile dysfuntion (ED) affects approximately 34% to 45% of men with diabetes and has been demonstrated to negatively impact quality of life..." No damn shit, your quality of life is negatively impacted. God damn, talk about jumping headfirst (get it) deep into the fucking pool. No just dangling your feet in the water by the edge. Is it in in our fucking concern? Since I am not considered a full-blown type 2 diabetic. The loss of ejaculation is weird though, don't you think. I mean if Larry Flint thought us anything, it was the quintessential representation of ejaculation is on the face or breasts. With limited ejaculation you are nothing it would seem. Not that I care about following the masses with ejaculation adventures.
I wonder what else we believe where it's not my fucking concern? Earth quakes happening in Venezuela. Genocide in Palestine and deliberately targeting kids. On the good side, "more than 100 Catholic bishops, nuns, priests and parishioners joined a procession across the U.S.-Mexico border, urging the U.S. government to treat migrants with dignity and respect." I am not sure if this makes my concern, but what does these days. I am happy to hear about animal bridges being built. Like last year Colorado made the biggest animal bridge across a super busy highway. And, and get this, deforestation in the Amazon (no not the rotten Jeff Bezos empire) has dropped by 24 percent. You can thank the Indigenous people and the gain in world looking for alternative energy. It is in my fucking concern, because the forests around the world clean the air for all of us.
My Reserve Chief and Councilors seem happy in their roles but that is not my fucking concern.
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