Friday, September 27, 2013
Speaking ill of the Dead
Been thinking about Death and how it is inevitable for everyone. How do we remember those that have died? Do we prop them out with stories of their greatness? Or do we remember them for what they were, a human being just living as best they could?
Is it ever okay to speak ill of the dead? I mean not just the passive speaking ill of someone, (like he tried his best but come up short) but the mean and nasty stuff? Like saying that guy was a mean old dog, evil to the bone, may he rot in Hell?
Sometimes I think it has nothing to do with the living and how they think of someone that is now dead, but what legacy that person has left. I mean if you are an arse all your life, what makes it not the way it is now? If someone is butt eating crazy, why paint them as respectable or sane?
There is the old adage, if you have nothing good to say about someone, best not to say anything. I guess that can work. But sometimes we all go butt eating crazy and let out some stuff don't we?
It was a number of years ago as I sat in the restaurant at our Reserve. There were quite a few people when an open conversation started. A friend of mine said to one of his cousins who was sitting across the room, "Hey, did you hear about Clem having a heart attack?". The cousin said "who gives a fuck, the guy is a piece of shit anyway." That is the thing, one person can be a hero to some and a shit to others.
I know this one guy, who is now dead, and I think he was a monster. No, I know he was a monster. The thing is this monster was a Dad, a brother, a husband, a God father, and a host of other things to many people. To me he was and will always be thought of as a monster.On his marker it says he was a man of respect. I was so offended by that marker. None of my business I know. But it did offend me. I know him to be an evil person. A person with no consideration for others. A person who would threaten you. A person who used Spirituality to cloak his evil mindset. Harsh way to think of someone who has passed on, I know. But it is the legacy some of us have. If you live like a monster, people will remember you that way. If you are a piece of shit, that is how people will think of you. For example, 17 years ago I was leaving the funeral of my Uncle and our car was parked on the highway. So my wife and I were carrying our infant daughter who was a month old and had to walk on the side of the highway to our car. The man who is now dead was driving towards us in his white truck, he did a very quick turn towards us and then as quickly swerved away. It was disgusting moment. This man for what every reason believed I did him wrong. I know in my heart that is not true. He was looking for someone to blame for his actions. He worked in the same place I did. He was a sick man. He stalked one of the workers there, so she had to take leave of work. Numerous times he threatened to shoot me. Almost running me over as I was on the highway speaking with our then Chief. One time as I leaving my Mom's house, he made a shooting gesture at me again, I chased him to his home. I tried to talk to him about his behaviour on a number of occasions. He pulled out a weapon from under his seat. So I gave up trying to talk to him. He may be remembered as a good man to some and that is good for them. For me I have a different view. It is only my view but his legacy to me. I was not happy when he passed or sad. He was a rather unpleasant chapter in my life and it ended with his passing. No grief felt from me, but did feel bad for his family. Everyone wants their loved to be around for them. How do you feel when there is some madman (who once killed someone) actively trying to kill you?
So do I do him a disservice or a disservice to his family by speaking ill of him? Yeah, I am sure I do, but its my version of the truth. He may have been a good husband or dad, I don't know. But I do know he was a monster to me. And the more as I live I realize how much of an impact he had on me. His hatred to me and his acts caused me great pain.
Pain, I didn't know how much until he went to "meet his maker".
"how many ways can you polish up a turd?"