"What the Hell you doing?" ... "mmmm - nothing"

This singer, Shaggy had a song called "It Wasn't me", do you remember that song? Basically Shaggy is giving advice to this young man about lying. The young man is confessing to Shaggy that he was caught fooling around on his girlfriend with another girl. Shaggy's advice, "it wasn't me".  I know this guy from back home who told me the same advice some years ago.

This guy, Jimmy told me about his own adventure as an illustration on how to handle a delicate situation. Jimmy was fooling around with this younger woman named Debbie. I used to crush on Debbie when I was a kid (Actually I crushed on many girls, but never went beyond admiration from a-far). Anyway Jimmy was a little crazy over this younger woman and he wanted a way to be with her, without getting his wife Marilyn wise to the situation. So Jimmy had a get together with his wife and "their" friend Debbie. The get together included drinks. It was getting late and time for bed after a number of drinks. Jimmy and Marilyn went to bed while Debbie took the couch. Jimmy waited for the breathing of Marilyn to change. "Ah-ha, Marilyn is sleeping"... the sleep of someone who has had a number of drinks. That deep sleep.  So old Jimmy slinks out of bed and goes to join Debbie on the couch for some hugging, kissing and "letting the good times roll".

Son of gun, didn't Jimmy fall asleep on the floor in the living room. Guess who was sleeping beside him, with her arm draped across his waste?

The light of morning was all around the room.  Jimmy stirred a bit and felt something is not right. Jimmy opened his eyes. Staring down at him, with a look that can only be described as scary, was Marilyn.  Jimmy jumped up and rushed into the kitchen, all the while zipping his pants and buckling his belt. Marilyn was on his back talking, questioning and yelling. Jimmy was thinking all the while his ear was being blasted with sounds that seemed to be coming from his wife's mouth.

"Nope", he said, "Nope."  "Nope" was all that Jimmy could say.  Not sure if it was nope he couldn't understand how he got on the floor and how his pants got unbuckled, but Jimmy was sure it was "Nope". At this time it is unclear as to what happened to Debbie or what she did or said.  Jimmy told me that he just kept denying that anything happened.

I have some of mine own "It wasn't me" stories, but nothing as classic as Jimmy and Debbie (names have been changed to protect the innocent). Like the other night for example: it was 1:30 in the morning and everyone was sleeping. Well everyone except for me. I was up and so figured "hey I should take pictures of Aviree sleeping". Aviree is our 6 month old granddaughter. She stays with us. My wife has to get up early and go to work. My daughter has to get up and go to school. So anyway, I was busy getting the camera ready, talking to our dog Bruce Willis and just exploring the house as I was thinking. I went into the bedroom and started to snap shots of baby with flash going. All of a sudden, "What the Hell you doin'!!!"  I turned and saw my wife with her index finger point at me. I said what I always say, "nothing".  I guess all that talking walking, opening doors and shuffling was a bit loud.

But that is my standard line, "nothing".  Thanks Jimmy for the great advice.

What does it say when you hope your Dad dies?

What an awful sentiment that you hope for someone to die. Not just anyone but your Dad?

Fucking Cancer!  I feel so angry that cancer is slowly killing my Dad. The family is with him.
He has become a shell of what he is. No eating, just taking fluids. He went from someone who, despite his memory loss, was in good shape physically. He would walk and walk. People in the community would see him walking on the road. Dad would be wearing his road safety vest so drivers could see him. Now he is so weak from the Cancer that he barely gets out of bed. Fucking Cancer.
He is in constant pain. Up until not so many days ago, he would still try and tease and joke. The last couple of days, he is not able to speak much. Never mind get up and try and walk. He can still stand and walk but very shaky. He has fallen a few times. His nose looks like it is broken because of a fall.

Tonight I could not control my anger. My anger at seeing my Dad suffer.  Cancer is a sick beast. It took my Mom in the same way. She could not eat. Fucking Cancer. I don't unleash anger at anyone but at me.

My brother Don and sister Jean went to a Cancer prevention event this past weekend. They are trying to help in ways to defeat cancer. Me, I do nothing.

When I am visiting around I pretend to cope. I act stupid and say stupid things. Make people laugh or cringe at my stupid attempts at comedy or joke telling. It is stupid act. I am hurting. Like all of them I guess.

Fucking Cancer. It takes away your life. It first takes the quality of life that you have than it slowly and painfully eats you. Fucking Cancer.

It makes you want someone to die. Fucking Cancer!  What can you say about something that would make you wish for death for someone so dear to you??? Fucking Cancer. It takes everything. Their ability to do the simplest things for themselves. What chance do you have? 

For me every night the pain comes in the form of regret. All of my ugly past comes to haunt me. Why could I have not been a better son? Why could I have not caused so much pain to my parents?  The bad things I have done flood my mind. I can't stop it. So it starts, "oh its all about me again".  Fucking Cancer. Why does my Dad have to suffer?  Fucking Cancer. I see  my brother and sister struggle to come to grips with the pain that my Dad endures. Fucking Cancer. How come I didn't do this before for my Dad? I should have been better son.  I should have been there more for him.

I love my Dad. I will never say that to him. And I never will hear that from him. It does not matter. I know my Dad loves us. He is a good Dad.

Dad with the great George Chuvalo

One of the things I appreciate is the good wishes for Dad from people. You can never have enough good feelings and love from people. I hope my Dad's relatives and friends continue to hold vigil for him. Even if he cannot acknowledge them, it is good to send good wishes. Maybe the pain will lessen on him with the amount of people seeing him and feeling for him.

"Watch my daddy in bed a-dyin'
Watched his hair been turnin' grey
He's been workin' and slavin' his life away, oh yes I know it"

Why should you respect the role of Chief and Council?

Why should you respect the role of Chief and Council of the Reserve? I really believe we should. As my friend and Teacher says, "if you support them they will be strong but if you keep cutting them up, they will be weak".

I think (generally) there is a total lack of respect for the ROLE of our Leaders. Both from the people and the leaders themselves.

In the Reserve, politics is a little different than in main stream. In mean stream you won't go over to the Mayor's house or to the Premiers' house and ask for some one to come clean your driveway, would you? Or would you stop the MLA (Member of Legislative Assembly) on the side of the highway and ask to borrow fifty bucks?  Would you ring them up at their home, late at night and say you have no gas money, can you come over and get some?

It is a damn shame that we do that to our leaders. We don't have any respect for the role. We think of them as less than leaders. We treat them with such contempt that we only want them to satisfy our individual short term needs and wants. That is an utterly disgusting way to behave. You know what? That is happening in many many Reserves. We have lost the meaning of what leadership means. And you know what else? Our own leaders have become so used to the way the role has changed that they themselves perpetuate that role of welfare provider. They no longer look at what the role of leadership should be. Instead they become managers. Managers of poverty. They continue to sustain colonialism and the control and distribution of meager resources to the Reserve peoples.

People need to stop and respect the roles of the Chief and Council. Regardless if we like the person or not. This person is our Leader and is to work for us. If we support him/her, and we challenge them to take their role with pride and humility, just maybe they will be the Leaders we need and want.

If we continue to put them as managers of poverty and fall into that way of living, we are doomed to stay in that situation. The situation where everyone is just clawing for morsels at the expense of the larger community. I say challenge your Leader to behave as a Leader. Let the administrators handle the day to day management and get our Leaders to challenge the mainstream.

It likely won't happen. Many of our communities are turning away from community thinking and becoming an island of individuals. Individuals with individual wants, and fuck the rest of the community and fuck the rest of the Native population. We are becoming our own colonizers. 



"As it was at first, and should be yet; for it was never divided, but belongs to all for the use of each." 

~Tecumseh  

"Post-colonialism also deals with conflicts of identity and cultural belonging. Colonial powers came to foreign states and destroyed main parts of native tradition and culture; furthermore, they continuously replaced them with their own ones. This often lead to conflicts when countries became independent and suddenly faced the challenge of developing a new nationwide identity and self-confidence.
As generations had lived under the power of colonial rulers, they had more or less adopted their Western tradition and culture. The challenge for these countries was to find an individual way of proceeding to call their own. They could not get rid of the Western way of life from one day to the other; they could not manage to create a completely new one either."

http://suite101.com/a/the-motives-and-ways-of-colonizing-the-new-world-a278287
Motive and Ways of Colonizing.