Today my Boy would have had his 29th birthday. This August will be 9 years that he has been gone because of his suicide.
There is public service commercial on television right now, that shows teenagers slamming doors and being, well, teenagers. The caption reads as a distressed mother is walking into a teenager bedroom.; "think living with a teenager is hard? Living without one is harder". It is a message about teenage suicide. I think lots about this when it is aired. Parents, and siblings, should not have to endure such pain. It is immense. I don't think I could accurately describe what it is like. In any case it is bad.
Its quite funny the things that set you off. I mean, get you down and sad in an instant. Listening to a tune, or seeing some young people holding hands, laughing. Knowing you will never see your loved one enjoying that. Its pretty damn hard.
I know it gets old, holding on to grief, and airing it out, publicly. I guess.
I got this book called Indian Joe Blow, written by Adam Beaches' uncle, Chris. I got it, but haven't read it. I remember when the suicide happened, good people gave me books to read on grief. I tried, but didn't have the desire to read them. In any case, I do read, and read lots. I am currently reading George Chuvalo: A Fighter's Life. It has mixed reviews. In any case, it was a good read. I like him.
We met him, George Chuvalo. I wonder if speaking about the suicide loss helps people? I like to think it does.
I get really really angry when I hear of a suicide. My anger gets directed at public officials. Not sure they can help really. It bugs me that they take some media time off of a suicide. I don't anyone cares.
I think people only care about something when it happens or affects them. Don't you think?
I mean, really?
Why would you care about the amount of suicides that happen in the Indian community? Why should you?
We think of it as a sad thing, for the moment when we hear of a suicide. And then?