Wednesday, February 5, 2014

I pooped myself today

This post is about poop!  So you are informed going in. 

I was speaking with a group of people taking part in a treatment program for alcohol and drug abuse a little while ago. The subject of crapping one's self came up. I think everyone in the group denied ever having done that. I said "bull shit".  Man, if you have gotten smashed to the point you can't remember or even stand, how in the heck are you going to control your bowels?  It's an embarrassing thing to admit. Once I was at a festival in the local town. I wasn't partying or anything just hanging out with friends. Saw this young woman with a nice pink pants on, she had poop on her pants. Felt bad for her. Poop is bad. Especially if its on your light coloured pants.

This young guy was telling me about his story; he was with friends and he needed to poop.  So he went find a quiet place in the bush to do his business. Thing was he didn't really have toilet papers. Don't know how but he got stains all over the back of his white shirt. He said his friends laughed and laughed. He was laughing as he was telling the story. That's the thing, it really is no big deal. You poop. Heck even the TP commercials are using the poop word on regular television: "everyone has to go we not enjoy the go".

My wife gives me heck all the time for being stupid. Lucky she never knew me when I was a booze hound. When I used to drink I would get so pissed drunk that I was lucky that defecating myself was the only thing I did. Oh yeah, you have to thank Pink Floyd for introducing that word to a whole crowd of Neechies that didn't know defecate from percolate.

 "The evidence before the court is Incontrovertible, there's no need for The jury to retire.In all my years of judging I have never heard before Of someone more deserving Of the full penalty of law.The way you made them suffer,Your exquisite wife and mother,Fills me with the urge to defecate!" 



Another teacher for the uniformed Neechie was the movie Christine:  

Rudolph Junkins: I understand, uh, one of the perpetrators, uh, defecated on the dashboard. Now, I woulda thought you'd be madder than hell at that. And I thought you woulda reported that.
Arnie Cunningham: Shit wipes off.

Who knew that music and movies could be so enlightening?  About poop yet?

Why is poop so gross?

I was going down ( or up) to visit my Dad on the Reserve. It's about and hour and half drive from the city going north. Anyway, I was wearing these nice khaki shorts, you know the beige ones.  I had to pooget (fart) so no big deal. Oops. I was past the halfway point of the trip, so no use heading back home. I didn't phone and tell my wife. She already worries about how I am going to be when I get much older and she has to look after me. Throw me in the home I guess. Anyway, lucky my Dad had spare clothes. I took one of his dark brown pants. I still have them. My granddaughter was 2 when she said to me, "nice pants granpa". My lucky dark brown pants. My grandpa pants. My wife tells our daughter that she is scared of how I might be senile already. She thinks about how I am now, can you imagine how I am going to be in a few years when I can no longer control my bowels???


1 comment:

  1. As usual:allergic to hypocrisy! LOL.

    ReplyDelete