Are you Afraid?

Are you afraid?  I sure am.

The world looks like one scary place. The U.N. just came out with the report on Korea (North) and found that they are committing crimes against humanity. Horrible stuff coming out of that report with accounts from former prisoners and people who have been able to get out of Korea. International affairs or world politics seems like such a complicated place. It seems so far away but yet it can have some impact on us, don't you think?  I mean there are people getting blown up everyday in the world. Should we feel safe and not afraid way over here?  Anyway the turbulent ways of the world is not what scares me right now. It is how a fragile a single life is. Not single as in not living with a significant other, but single in the individual. How they can be here one minute and poof, they're gone. How scary is that? I mean the world is scary enough as it is, you know worrying about fundamentalism, extremism, terrorism, and all the other isms out there. But to sit back or sit up and think about how fragile life is for someone you know. Now that is scary.

I used to go see this therapist, a psychologist who I didn't really connect with. I thought he was going through the motions. Not really trying to understand the deep deep inner-workings of a sophisticated complex renaissance man that is known as simply Steve (not simple Steve, but "just Steve"). Anyway, I don't think he liked me very much. He kept saying things like, how come you are still coming here? Why aren't you trying to seek help?  You are superstitious. Okay so he didn't say all that stuff. He did comment that I was superstitious. It was in reference to how I was thinking about things.

You see I think that if you love someone too much, it will be taken away from you. If you get too happy it will be taken away from you.  Weird I know. If you talk about someone dying, you will invite the death to come. Things like that is what I think of and get scared of. I get scared to lose. To lose someone close to me. Someone I love so much that I would gladly change places.

I think many people are like that. We have so much to be afraid of: The world weather changing in a crazy manner like floods, tornadoes, suicide bombers, getting a new pig flu, bird flu, AIDS, Cancer, hunting accident, car accident, brain aneurysm, flesh eating disease,  snakes on a plane, ants on a plane, that weird worm that gets stuck in your stomach and comes out of your bum, that fly that lays eggs under your skin when it bites you, bed bugs, those little skin bugs that are in your bed, radiation poison from those nuclear power plants in Japan, the economic crisis ( which one I know, every day we hear about some kind of big money collapse), oil snakes (pipelines), the bad movies by Woody Allen ( I am not sure why people like his movies?) Justin Bieber, Elephantiasis, hiccups, long toe nails (they hurt when they scratch you), bad breath, and one other thing, fat people.

I am afraid of being superstitious because I know it is true.  People don't think or say these things for nothing. I mean it must come from somewhere, right?

I am afraid if I listen to my own advice I might do something. Something bad. And I don't want that. I don't want to hurt anyone. Not being able to get over pain is a big fear I have. I can't let go. It's like an obsession. I get so low that I can't pretend some days.

Anyway, be afraid be very afraid. That thing under the bed? Well it must have come from somewhere.

I used to be very afraid of the Devil. Now it doesn't bother me. Not sure of the reason. I used to be afraid of dogs. Really scared of them. Now, not afraid, cautious if the dog is big, but no longer scared.

Spiders are another thing. And rats. I don't like rats.