I am so lonesome for my Boy.

Every night, not one single night goes by that I do not sit and think of my boy. Losing your child is a horrible, horrible legacy.
I love my Boy.
I miss him so much.

So please take the time to remember your child. Even if they give you  a hard time.  You would give anything to meet those struggles rather than have your child die.
Not trying to bum you out (old 60s reference) but just sharing my pain at this exact moment.

Thanks for being here.

Take care and have a good night.

Steve

Record a Ceremony and lose your Soul.

This summer The Aboriginal People's Television Network (APTN) in Canada aired a 3 part program recording of a SunDance Ceremony held in Manitoba. Let's say the shit hit the fan over this program. APTN had to deal with a fall out of Traditional Indians attacking them and telling them they had no right to record a Sacred Ceremony. Many of the Traditional people were down right nasty and hateful. I guess they are protecting what they feel should be protected. I get that for sure. A few, mind you a very few, thought it was beautiful to see the Ceremony being shown on television.

With many Traditional people angry over the airing of the show, and strongly voicing their outrage, the news show, APTN invited a couple of Traditional people to speak about recording Ceremonies. One of the people to speak was a Sundance Chief and the other speaker was a Helper.  They spoke about how wrong it is to record Ceremony. 

The words by both speakers condemned not only APTN recording of the Ceremony but also attacked the integrity of the people that invited APTN to the Sundance.  Listening again to their comments made me think, "holy heck our people are stupid and mean".  Yikes, who in the heck do I think I am, to say something like that. A blanket statement yet!  Of course, we are not stupid. We are survivors, we are strong, we are adapters, we are still Indian. But yet we do say some crazy and stupid things.

What I do think is that we do fall into a place that is right in line with colonial thinking. I mean, really? "our people never allowed recording."  Give me a fucking break. How asinine of a statement is this? Are we that unsophisticated that we can't allow something to be remembered?  Jesus H Christ, our Ancestors were some of the best recorders in history. How do you think, some Ceremony songs are still here after centuries? Or how come we know the Creation Teachings?  Our people recorded things. Of course, we didn't have a camcorder or YouTube at the time. We recorded in many ways; oral Teachings, Wampum Belts, Scrolls, Totem Poles, Paintings, Beadwork, Language, Petroglyphs, Pictographs, Cave Paintings, Geoglyphs, Tattoos and Petroforms are just some examples of recording significant instances or Teachings.

We have adopted some of Hollywood influences into our everyday consciousness and even into folklore. We have become our own colonizer.  We think we should be static as a Nation in order to be truly Indian. That ship has sailed folks. We are still here, and we are still Indian. Only thing is we do drive cars, have cell phones and can use a camera without thinking it is going to steal our soul.

One of the arguments made was that not recording would keep it Sacred.  I call Bullshit on that. Tobacco is sacred. Sacred in the value and the use of it. How sacred is tobacco when you smoke a pack a day. You throw your cigarette butts on the Ground. Mother Earth, our Sacred Mother?  It's all context people!  Of course, Tobacco is sacred and it's not going to be less Sacred just because others use it for personal pleasure.  It is Sacred in how you still use it in that way, the Traditional way. So Sundancing for the people is Sacred, so what if there is a camera. Is your prayer or your sacrifice that much weaker? Of course not. As for the decreasing of its Sacredness I know that could happen. When we commodify things. When we make it into a money maker, commercialize or for entertainment, I see that and get that. This is not the case. Our whole way of living is Sacred: The Hunt, the Trapline, Fishing, Praying, Ceremonies, the Roles of the Youth, the Carrying of a Pipe, the Taking a Tree, the Naming Ceremony, the Feast, the Role of Parents, the Birth of our Children. Is it any less if we take a god damn picture? More of our people know more about the Bible that our own ancestral Teachings. How sad is that? And we still want to deprive our people of seeing our Ceremonies-Teachings?  How sad is that? I think the colonial laws outlawing and the persecution, prosecution of Indians over their Spiritual beliefs affects us today. Our ancestors had to hide the Ceremony, so those actions, attitudes and need to hide is still practiced today. We may now think it is sacrilege to be open about Ceremony but really it was about protecting themselves. I know this one Elder who said, "our Ceremonies are strong and survive being recorded."

Our people are here. Many people do not have the luxury or wherewithal of being able to attend a Sundance Ceremony, let them be able to rejoice in the Sundance in a medium that is available to them.

APTN Ceremony Segment: Parts, 1,2, 3 in the links below.

http://aptn.ca/news/2013/08/14/the-sun-dance-ceremony/
http://aptn.ca/news/2013/08/14/sun-dance-ceremony-part-2-the-buffalo-dance/

http://aptn.ca/news/2013/08/15/sundance-part-3-the-conclusion/ 

 

Remembrance Day November 11, 2013

It is always something to see the Veterans at the Remembrance Day Ceremonies. I watched the Ottawa Ceremonies on television this year.

I saw our Prime Minister lay at wreath at the Monument in Ottawa. I saw a number of Indians there as well. A wreath was laid on behalf of the Assembly of First Nations.

I also was thinking of how Canada has been treating the Veterans. And from their record, it is not very good treatment. Shameful in fact.




http://rightojibwe.blogspot.ca/2009/11/young-indians-should-join-armed-forces.html

http://rightojibwe.blogspot.ca/2010/11/uncle-henry-pow-wwii.html

"Fooled 'em all again".

A childhood friend (Burnell, he was more known as Fabian) died a few weeks ago. It was he that coined the phrase "fooled 'em all again" for me. Not coined it as the first one to ever say it, but to use it back home as a joke. He was talking about his older brother Sheldon. Sheldon was a larger than life fellow. Strong as an ox, talked to anyone and everyone, but didn't have substance. You know character substance. That is where Fabian came in. He said to us one day about Sheldon, " I wonder at night before he goes to bed, if he says, fooled them all again".  We all laughed. Fabian wasn't being mean he was just like that, had a smart wit (for a guy that many at one time thought was slow).

I have been thinking a lot about that phrase lately. It came up again with my friend Douglas. His wife is this nice sweet lady that you see as kind an considerate, you know? A lady. Doug says she is anything but what you see out in public. She can curse like a southern state redneck truck driver. Blow farts that would shame a five hundred pound man. Ah, just kidding. Doug just likes to poke the bear whenever he gets the chance. His wife is actually quite normal.

But really I have been thinking about the 'fooled 'em all again' because we see that so much today. It is everywhere. In Canada the ruling government is rampant with problems and the leader of the country says "no, everything is hunky". He is known as a guy that controls everything in his ruling party. No one in the party can do or say anything unless he lets them. And now he expects everyone to think that He the leader had no knowledge of a cheque scandal in the Parliament Senate House?  Fooled 'em all again. You see these Senators that the leader selected have been caught doing some bad stuff. The Leader (Stephen Harper), Prime Minister of Canada, did not know his Chief of Staff wrote a cheque for ninety grand to pay off one Senator's bad doings. It was also found out that another cheque for sixteen grand was written to pay off this Senators legal bills. The Prime Minister at least admitted that it was standard practice for his party to pay legal bills of his party members. The thing is people are buying this from the Prime Minister. Oh well, I guess he can go to bed at night and say, "fooled 'em all again". 

The other news is the Mayor of the City of Toronto, Bob Ford. It has been confirmed that there is in fact a tape of him smoking crack cocaine. Ford denied that he smoked crack while being Mayor. But the police have found the hard drive. He still says he has no reason to resign. He is still going to bed at night, "fooled 'em all again".

Another big 'fooled 'em all again' group is the pro-fracking lobbyists and oil companies. They know and everyone knows it is not "if", there will be contamination, but when the contamination will occur. The other big fooled 'em again is the pipe lines. Not if there will be a leak, but when. And the artic oil expeditions and drilling. Everyone knows there is no way to cap out in that environment. But hey no one lives there anyway.  "Fooled 'em all again". Also the media and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police are big "fooled 'em all again" players. The police arrested 40 people in New Brunswick over fracking protests. The police were filmed in full cammo, armed with sniper rifles and were caught shouting obscenities at the Native protestors. But yet the media blamed all of the action on the Natives, "fooled 'em all again". 

Seems like we are in a fooled 'em all again period. I guess that's the way it is.

Me, I think that the young, the Aboriginal, the smart, the concerned, the environmental conscious will stand up and say, "nope, not fooling us this time".  

Elsipogtog First Nation

Elsipogtog First Nation take on Fracking company and Police

I see you, police.  Elsipogtog First Nation.

"What the Hell you doing?" ... "mmmm - nothing"

This singer, Shaggy had a song called "It Wasn't me", do you remember that song? Basically Shaggy is giving advice to this young man about lying. The young man is confessing to Shaggy that he was caught fooling around on his girlfriend with another girl. Shaggy's advice, "it wasn't me".  I know this guy from back home who told me the same advice some years ago.

This guy, Jimmy told me about his own adventure as an illustration on how to handle a delicate situation. Jimmy was fooling around with this younger woman named Debbie. I used to crush on Debbie when I was a kid (Actually I crushed on many girls, but never went beyond admiration from a-far). Anyway Jimmy was a little crazy over this younger woman and he wanted a way to be with her, without getting his wife Marilyn wise to the situation. So Jimmy had a get together with his wife and "their" friend Debbie. The get together included drinks. It was getting late and time for bed after a number of drinks. Jimmy and Marilyn went to bed while Debbie took the couch. Jimmy waited for the breathing of Marilyn to change. "Ah-ha, Marilyn is sleeping"... the sleep of someone who has had a number of drinks. That deep sleep.  So old Jimmy slinks out of bed and goes to join Debbie on the couch for some hugging, kissing and "letting the good times roll".

Son of gun, didn't Jimmy fall asleep on the floor in the living room. Guess who was sleeping beside him, with her arm draped across his waste?

The light of morning was all around the room.  Jimmy stirred a bit and felt something is not right. Jimmy opened his eyes. Staring down at him, with a look that can only be described as scary, was Marilyn.  Jimmy jumped up and rushed into the kitchen, all the while zipping his pants and buckling his belt. Marilyn was on his back talking, questioning and yelling. Jimmy was thinking all the while his ear was being blasted with sounds that seemed to be coming from his wife's mouth.

"Nope", he said, "Nope."  "Nope" was all that Jimmy could say.  Not sure if it was nope he couldn't understand how he got on the floor and how his pants got unbuckled, but Jimmy was sure it was "Nope". At this time it is unclear as to what happened to Debbie or what she did or said.  Jimmy told me that he just kept denying that anything happened.

I have some of mine own "It wasn't me" stories, but nothing as classic as Jimmy and Debbie (names have been changed to protect the innocent). Like the other night for example: it was 1:30 in the morning and everyone was sleeping. Well everyone except for me. I was up and so figured "hey I should take pictures of Aviree sleeping". Aviree is our 6 month old granddaughter. She stays with us. My wife has to get up early and go to work. My daughter has to get up and go to school. So anyway, I was busy getting the camera ready, talking to our dog Bruce Willis and just exploring the house as I was thinking. I went into the bedroom and started to snap shots of baby with flash going. All of a sudden, "What the Hell you doin'!!!"  I turned and saw my wife with her index finger point at me. I said what I always say, "nothing".  I guess all that talking walking, opening doors and shuffling was a bit loud.

But that is my standard line, "nothing".  Thanks Jimmy for the great advice.

What does it say when you hope your Dad dies?

What an awful sentiment that you hope for someone to die. Not just anyone but your Dad?

Fucking Cancer!  I feel so angry that cancer is slowly killing my Dad. The family is with him.
He has become a shell of what he is. No eating, just taking fluids. He went from someone who, despite his memory loss, was in good shape physically. He would walk and walk. People in the community would see him walking on the road. Dad would be wearing his road safety vest so drivers could see him. Now he is so weak from the Cancer that he barely gets out of bed. Fucking Cancer.
He is in constant pain. Up until not so many days ago, he would still try and tease and joke. The last couple of days, he is not able to speak much. Never mind get up and try and walk. He can still stand and walk but very shaky. He has fallen a few times. His nose looks like it is broken because of a fall.

Tonight I could not control my anger. My anger at seeing my Dad suffer.  Cancer is a sick beast. It took my Mom in the same way. She could not eat. Fucking Cancer. I don't unleash anger at anyone but at me.

My brother Don and sister Jean went to a Cancer prevention event this past weekend. They are trying to help in ways to defeat cancer. Me, I do nothing.

When I am visiting around I pretend to cope. I act stupid and say stupid things. Make people laugh or cringe at my stupid attempts at comedy or joke telling. It is stupid act. I am hurting. Like all of them I guess.

Fucking Cancer. It takes away your life. It first takes the quality of life that you have than it slowly and painfully eats you. Fucking Cancer.

It makes you want someone to die. Fucking Cancer!  What can you say about something that would make you wish for death for someone so dear to you??? Fucking Cancer. It takes everything. Their ability to do the simplest things for themselves. What chance do you have? 

For me every night the pain comes in the form of regret. All of my ugly past comes to haunt me. Why could I have not been a better son? Why could I have not caused so much pain to my parents?  The bad things I have done flood my mind. I can't stop it. So it starts, "oh its all about me again".  Fucking Cancer. Why does my Dad have to suffer?  Fucking Cancer. I see  my brother and sister struggle to come to grips with the pain that my Dad endures. Fucking Cancer. How come I didn't do this before for my Dad? I should have been better son.  I should have been there more for him.

I love my Dad. I will never say that to him. And I never will hear that from him. It does not matter. I know my Dad loves us. He is a good Dad.

Dad with the great George Chuvalo

One of the things I appreciate is the good wishes for Dad from people. You can never have enough good feelings and love from people. I hope my Dad's relatives and friends continue to hold vigil for him. Even if he cannot acknowledge them, it is good to send good wishes. Maybe the pain will lessen on him with the amount of people seeing him and feeling for him.

"Watch my daddy in bed a-dyin'
Watched his hair been turnin' grey
He's been workin' and slavin' his life away, oh yes I know it"

Why should you respect the role of Chief and Council?

Why should you respect the role of Chief and Council of the Reserve? I really believe we should. As my friend and Teacher says, "if you support them they will be strong but if you keep cutting them up, they will be weak".

I think (generally) there is a total lack of respect for the ROLE of our Leaders. Both from the people and the leaders themselves.

In the Reserve, politics is a little different than in main stream. In mean stream you won't go over to the Mayor's house or to the Premiers' house and ask for some one to come clean your driveway, would you? Or would you stop the MLA (Member of Legislative Assembly) on the side of the highway and ask to borrow fifty bucks?  Would you ring them up at their home, late at night and say you have no gas money, can you come over and get some?

It is a damn shame that we do that to our leaders. We don't have any respect for the role. We think of them as less than leaders. We treat them with such contempt that we only want them to satisfy our individual short term needs and wants. That is an utterly disgusting way to behave. You know what? That is happening in many many Reserves. We have lost the meaning of what leadership means. And you know what else? Our own leaders have become so used to the way the role has changed that they themselves perpetuate that role of welfare provider. They no longer look at what the role of leadership should be. Instead they become managers. Managers of poverty. They continue to sustain colonialism and the control and distribution of meager resources to the Reserve peoples.

People need to stop and respect the roles of the Chief and Council. Regardless if we like the person or not. This person is our Leader and is to work for us. If we support him/her, and we challenge them to take their role with pride and humility, just maybe they will be the Leaders we need and want.

If we continue to put them as managers of poverty and fall into that way of living, we are doomed to stay in that situation. The situation where everyone is just clawing for morsels at the expense of the larger community. I say challenge your Leader to behave as a Leader. Let the administrators handle the day to day management and get our Leaders to challenge the mainstream.

It likely won't happen. Many of our communities are turning away from community thinking and becoming an island of individuals. Individuals with individual wants, and fuck the rest of the community and fuck the rest of the Native population. We are becoming our own colonizers. 



"As it was at first, and should be yet; for it was never divided, but belongs to all for the use of each." 

~Tecumseh  

"Post-colonialism also deals with conflicts of identity and cultural belonging. Colonial powers came to foreign states and destroyed main parts of native tradition and culture; furthermore, they continuously replaced them with their own ones. This often lead to conflicts when countries became independent and suddenly faced the challenge of developing a new nationwide identity and self-confidence.
As generations had lived under the power of colonial rulers, they had more or less adopted their Western tradition and culture. The challenge for these countries was to find an individual way of proceeding to call their own. They could not get rid of the Western way of life from one day to the other; they could not manage to create a completely new one either."

http://suite101.com/a/the-motives-and-ways-of-colonizing-the-new-world-a278287
Motive and Ways of Colonizing.