Creator, Are You Listening?

Throughout my life I have talked to God many times. When I was young and going to the boarding school (Fort Alexander Indian Residential School) I really didn't know how to talk to God. I was thought prayers like the Hail Mary and the Our Father prayers. At the time I didn't understand the message. I tried to do the prayers, but only when told to do them.  When I was given Penance after Confession and I was told to recite the prayers a number of times to repent for my sins. Even then I didn't use them. I would just guess as to how long the prayers would take as I was kneeling. So night time prayers or morning prayers was something I never did. I guess I did the prayer only at public prayers. I can't say when I actually started to talk to God in earnest. I don't remember the first time or what was said. Its not like God actually took part in the conversation. There was no "yo-hoo", like the Old men in the Reserve  would say when they were listening to each other. Unlike others who say God answered them, it never happened to me. Can you imagine, if you were answered?

Most likely the times I must have spoken to the Creator was when I was in trouble or troubled. Its funny I didn't take the time to speak with God when I was in a good place. I remember as a kid being so mad, so mad that I threw out into the yard my Mom and Dads crucifix which hung over the front door. The statue of Jesus was a gift at their wedding. I broke the arm of the Jesus. Can't remember what I was upset for at the time. I just remember it because of how bad and guilty I felt for breaking Mom and Dad's crucifix.

I remembered talking to the Creator when my boy was found dead by hanging himself. I laid on the floor crying "no no no no" over and over again. Trying to make it not true. Hoping praying, asking God to make it not true, to change it. I didn't hear anything. Only the sound of my voice throughout the room. It doesn't matter anymore if I talk to the Creator. There is no answer regardless.

Today's media makes it much easier to communicate with the World and to listen to the World. Right now there are many people trying to speak with God. Funny thing is there doesn't seem to be any one in the room. Maybe the Creator is on holidays. You might think that with all the developments in technology, someone out there would have built a device which could establish a link with God. They discovered the God Particle for god's sake. So technology and science should have some "new" way beside prayer to communicate with god right? Maybe it will come one day but not today. Today we still have to rely on whether we decide God is listening, somehow.

I am not that far with throwing the Creator by the wayside, but still if I do talk to anyone I will choose to talk to my Boy, my Mom and a few others. I will say a thank you to whoever might be listening for the good in my life, like my family, my grandkids.

So there is the thing of trying to live a Traditional life if the Creator is not actively in it? I know right? I think this, I am no Christian but I still believe in some of the tenets which make Christianity attractive. Like the Golden Rule of treating others how you want to be treated. For me the Traditions are important part of my life. Its a  link to our heritage and to our Ancestors. The Teachings give us a good way to live. I embrace those Teachings the pursuit of learning from everyone.

Religion is an insult to human dignity. With or without it you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. Steve Weinberg

If I do speak again with the Creator, I will be saying, "what the fuck?"

Justice System Works Well, but Not for All.

Tina Fontaine, a young 15 year old Ojibwe Child found dead, wrapped up and thrown in the Red River.

Jackie Traverse 

In one recorded conversation on July 17, 2015, Cormier said: "15-year-old girl f--k. I drew the line, and that's why she got killed. She got killed, I'll make you a bet. She got killed because we found out, I found out she was 15 years old."

Cormier was recorded telling a woman that he would make a bet that Tina was killed because he had had sex with her and then “I found out she was 15 years old.” In another recording, Cormier was heard arguing with a woman and saying that there was a little girl in a “grave someplace screaming at the top of her lungs for me to finish the job. And guess what? I finished the job.”

______________________________

The Justice system in Canada works the way it should work. Trouble is the system is not designed to keep out the structural bias held by people. The many reports looking at disparity in the justice system clearly show a bias. So what gives? 

Today and yesterday(s) there have been marginalized groups (why do we label them as marginalized: GBLT, Black, Indigenous, Brown Immigrants?) who have stood up and said "Hey! What the heck? We are getting killed here."  

Yet the system endures. I have no clue on how to change the system. It has been designed by non-Brown communities but yet is the standard of how we measure justice in the world. 

There is the notion (or sales pitch) that Justice is colour blind. That maybe so, but everyone in the system is not. We have many, many instances and examples of the various segments (people) doing harm to People of Colour (I use this label but include GLBT and other so called misfits and marginalized folk here). From the police officer interviewing a victim of crime or the stop and frisk because they are not White, to  the brutalizing of kids. The manner in which the police address an investigation rests on who is making the complaint or on who is the victim. The Justice system is ripe full of rotten fruit. The results: lot of harm to the community.  Murderer goes free, innocents jailed, stereotyping, rudeness and assaults on innocents, and a myriad of wrongs. In Toronto a serial killer has finally been caught but the severity of his actions will never be really known. The Gay community in Toronto had brought up the missing men for a long time before the police took a serious look. The same pattern in British Columbia with both the Pickton murders and the Highway of Tears. Police were alerted but for some reason the cries went unanswered. 

I have no clue as to what can be done, but you must? How do you address the inherent bias, racism, sexism in the hearts of people? And a system that protects a certain class and race in society?

We see the Justice system in fact works for certain groups. Not for all. 

Time To Make Things Personal

I wonder when we decide that something matters to us? There is so much going on in the world where we should be concerned. I mean David Suzuki is flying around telling us the Earth is dying. Shouldn't we heed his call? North Korea and the United States are playing "I Dare ya" and "No, I double dog Dare you". The folks living in the Desert countries are being killed like mosquitoes on a hot night by the fire. People are leaving Wars only to be met with hate and scorn. The Oil Rich men are planting oil pipelines in everyone's gardens and in their back yard pools and creeks. The US is busy trying to make it a White nation by arresting and kicking Brown people out of the country. The police force are also getting trigger happy. The police battle cry of "stop resisting" is their code for other offices to join in the fray of beating people of colour. The US continues to fool the public with the use of the Military. They use the old adage of "fighting for your freedom" while sending in the Military for corporate wants and gains. The war veteran comes back to isolation and life of suffering. The suicide of a Veteran has become common. White Supremacists are given the go ahead speech from the President of the United States and the other European countries. Much going on in the world that is truly ugly. So when do we take an interest in what goes on in the world? Do we need it be us or be in our homes for things to matter?

Cancer has been a constant in our little Indian community. I know many who have died from Cancer in our Reserve. Still it was something that was in front of me but I didn't really have an interest in Cancer until it became personal. A number of my Aunties got cancer and died. Some friends and acquaintances got the cancer and they too died. My brother-in-laws had cancer as well and died. My Mom got cancer and died. My Dad got cancer and died. So what now? Is it beyond my ability to fight cancer?

Suicide is in the national news when a celebrity dies by suicide. In Canada it is actually not that uncommon to see suicide make the news. Its the amount of suicides which make it news worthy. Small Indigenous communities have high rates of youth suicide. Its shocking and a reality of being an Indian child. When does the suicide issue become of interest to us?

The amount of weather related disasters are in the news on a regular basis.  Still the powers to be are racing to see who can add fire to the fuel the fastest. The Boreal Forest, the Amazon Forest, Nepal's Forest, are being killed quicker than you can put together an IKEA dresser. IKEA has even gone as so far as to steal forests. Stealing forests?  Do we care that forests are disappearing? Or is the a wooden park in the neighbourhood suitable for our needs?

Wait, I have to stop right here. I was going to finish off with the Earth being personal to us and how we care but right now I just can't. I have been hoping to try and write some good things going on in the Indian community and by extension the world. But I can't. Tonight they let a guy who shot and killed an Indian boy go free.

Gerald Stanley a white farmer in rural Saskatchewan shot Colten Boushie in the head. Didn't matter what Colten did, the fact is Stanley killed him. The good people of Saskatchewan, an all White Jury of his peers said "its okay you can go home" (basically). Colten's mom and his relatives are in shock. I think all of Indian Country is shocked.

Its personal. Colten is your child, my child, my nephews, my cousins, my nieces. So what does that say when you can kill an Indian? Oh wait as long as you are White.

It is personal.

Why Does the Ugly Rule?

One of  the constant Teachings heard around Indian circles is that of Kindness. The emphasis is on treating everyone with understanding. Indians are really kind people. It is a good thing to be kind. Being kind and being reasonable are admirable traits and should be the default of everyone.

Being kind in this world is a barrier. It hurts us by being nice. It is the mean, the ugly, the beasts that are ruling the world. We see it everyday. Everyday the reasonable are being killed, displaced, evicted, cheated, ignored and ruined.  All over the world there are abuses being committed on various peoples: West Bank, Rakhine, Kinder Morgan, Amazon Rainforest, Ukraine/Russia, Canada and the US.

There is  a World Report 2017 which provides us with a glimpse of the ugly in the world.

Why is it we see generosity and kindness after a crisis? 

People should all share the planet. Instead we are concerned with acquisition. The world is interested in getting more and more. The reasonable and the kind seem satisfied with the world but not all. The ugly rules all over us. 

We have to really look hard to see the joy in the world, the joy in our lives. If there is no joy, what is there? 

Society preys on the different, on people not like them. We divide and divide and we fight and we fight. We hurt and hurt others. Will there ever be a time when the need to be ugly is not there?    

I'm Uncle, it's my Job

I gave heck to my niece a while ago. It could have been considered getting shit or it could bee seen as giving worldly advice. In any case as an Uncle it's my job to speak with her. I told her its my job as your Uncle to give you heck. She said yes.

Growing up in the 1960's as a kid in the Reserve it was not unusual to get heck from adults. If you did something wrong it was their job to correct your behaviour. It might even be a kick in the arse, depending on what you did wrong.

Smoking as a child, was not accepted by adults. We hid our smoking from the adults. Heaven help us if we were caught busting the outdoor rink lights. Once (I don't know what I was thinking) in the summer I was busting the lights at the rink. An older cousin caught me. He caught a number of us. First thing was we were going to run but knew to stop and wait for our punishment. He spoke to all of us and informed us that he would be telling our parents. He took me aside and said I won't tell your Dad as I know what will happen to you. I think we were about ten at the time. I never forgot the act of kindness by him (not that my Dad was a monster or anything) but the belt was spared that day.

The community was a community and it was the job of the Uncle to look after the whole community. That concept has changed in the community and perhaps in society all together. We drive by and even look away if we see something. The Child walking all alone, a woman being harassed on the street.

Yesterday I was listening to a woman speak about the crisis of abuse faced by women in our Indigenous community. She asked why are the men not standing up? Why are they not talking to the abusers? Why do they stay silent? Where are the Uncles? Women, Aunties are standing up and speaking up but not the men.

We may not like it when someone confronts us about our behaviour or if they try and correct our children's behaviour or actions. Still what message are we giving if we  allow the poor actions of others to go unchecked?

Should I hold my tongue when speaking to my niece and her drug use or the manner which she treats her mom or dad?  Should I not tell a nephew that hitting his girlfriend is wrong? Or should we leave it the women to be the only ones not afraid to speak out to this young man. Or should we continue to protect the hitting of women by  men?  My daughter had a very abusive boyfriend. She charged him after a violent attack. She was afraid to go to court but I went with her. The boyfriend had his dad and his uncles there to support him.  The thought was that my daughter would be too afraid to show up. So when he saw her there, his lawyer made a plea deal. But that's the thing isn't it as Uncles we are more willing to protect and even promote the ugliness towards women. As men we may give superficial mentions about the plights of Women. Yet it is not reflected in the actions of us Uncles.

We need Uncle's to stand up and to do their job.

Uncle Bob Uncle Herman-2  We listen to our Uncles. 

We need to act like the Uncles who watched over the whole community, the wellness of the whole community.

Looking Into My Brain

You're sitting in your car in traffic and you look left at the person in the next car; you start to wonder what is she thinking, where is she going,wonder what her life is like, job, kids and siblings? We wonder about life outside or our heads. We can't really imagine what is the heads of others and what their life is really like. I mean look at someone like Bjork. Who is she? Wonder what she thinks about in her life? But then who really cares?

My wife and I always say "we are so different from each other".  She will say " she never thinks that" when I tell her something I am thinking. I guess it is normal for everyone to be like that.

I will give a little glimpse in my head.

About 30 years ago my wife Suz went to buy a dog, a miniature Schnauzer. Went into the house and the people had the beautiful puppies in a large cardboard box. So they said want to see the parents? We did and they brought in the parent dogs. The woman took on dog and put it on the kitchen table for us to look at her. This was weird. Who puts a dog on the kitchen table? For us that is not a thing to do. The big thing do is to put a shoe on the table. You know like when you come home with your new shoes in the box and you put the box on the table. You are asking to go hungry with things like that. I remember saying this to a friend, who happens to be a Medicine man-Elder. He laughed at me.

The other day my Wife and I were in Safeway at the checkout line. Down at my feet was a folded up twenty dollar bill I said hey to my wife and picked it up. I paid for our items with the twenty dollars feeling all lucky. After we started driving the weight of the twenty dollar bill started to weigh heavy on my mind. What is going to happen? Sure enough couple of days later my Wife and my daughter were at the Bay store trying on coats. My daughter had left her wallet with the coats. When they came home my daughter told me about it and said it was my fault. I shouldn't have kept that twenty dollar bill. I should have passed it on. That's what goes on in my head.

Last night, after two days had passed I phoned the lost and found of the Bay. I was thinking and I told the Bay employee about the wallet and I said maybe some kind soul was thinking its close to Christmas and decided to turn in the wallet. Sure enough someone did. Awesome.

You see during the day a friend phoned me and we talked. His granddaughter was killed in a car accident last year and it is crippling to him. We shared about how when we get happy that we get scared. We get guilty for feeling happy. Fearful that if we get too happy something bad will happen again the spite us or make sure we don't forget to be sad and mindful. My son died of suicide 12 years ago and I live in fear of another tragic incident. I felt good after talking with him and glad that he was able to confide and share his feelings with me about his girl. So I felt good that I had listened to him in earnest. Maybe something good would happen to me for being empathetic. And the wallet thing for my daughter was that good thing.

My wife and I are committed to the Give Away. For a variety of reasons. First we like to make me people happy. The other thing is that its an act of kindness and we are kind generous folk. We always try to be generous. The other thing is that in order to get good things in our lives we should be willing to give good things in return. We have given many many gifts to people. In return we have gotten many blessings. Our grandchildren come to mind. And we want to make sure they are safe, happy and looked after. The more love and good feelings we get from people, all the better for our family. Of course I am like anyone and get upset when I feel or see that people don't seem to appreciate our gestures of kindness or generosity. But I remember the gift is not for them to return if they don't want to. It's for the blessings, the gifts we may receive in other ways; like maybe a friendly wave or smile from the stranger in the next car, or the person holding open the door from my wife or the kind smile to a grandchild.

In  my mind I am not isolated. Even though I am a home body and rarely go visiting friends and family I am not in the world alone. My actions have rewards and consequences. So I have to act accordingly.

I fear of being too happy or else I be  showed what saddens really is.

Chief Clarence Louie Can Suck It.

There is this Chief (or former Chief) of Osoyoos Indian Band in British Columbia. This Chief is an awesome success story. He has taken a small Native community - a Reserve and made it in a prosperous business juggernaut in beautiful Okanagan Valley. He is a very successful leader and has done great things. The surrounding communities love him as well as the Government of Canada. The success of the Osoyoos Indian Band is incredible. It is a great success story when you compare the Osoyoos Band to many other Bands in Canada, especially Bands in the Prairies. So we should not be surprised when the media, the government and chambers of commerce trot out Chief Louie to compare and shame all the lazy shiftless Bands out there in Canada.

Chief Louie has even become and echo chamber for the Government and more precisely, the Right wing Old Stock Canadian. Chief Louie is infamous (in Indian Country and in main stream he is golden) for his "pull up your bootstraps and get a damn job" lazy Indians mantra.

The media loves this guy: A gentle-looking man with greying bangs and an animal-skin vest, he deluged the crowd with morsels of advice that have transformed Osoyoos Indian Band, where he is chief, into a beacon of hope for economically ravaged First Nations. The poetic description carries the grace of a savior in the land of despair. Those words are gold in the White community. We should be all so proud. I mean after all we have a genuine success story going on here. It is what we all hope our communities should be: high employment rates, own source revenue and economic prosperity. That is cool and awesome for Chief Louie and the Osoyoos Band.

So why do I say Chief Clarence Louie can suck it?  Quite frankly, the guy is a douche, a pompous arrogant prick. Does it seem I am a bit jealous of Chief Louie? Perhaps. I mean the guy has a good message right? We should all follow his lead and his statements. He took a poor community and made it a rich community. No doubt this man is talented, strong and successful. 

I guess the baggage I carry is a bit of an excuse for not exactly embracing the philosophy of Chief Louie. His success is certain and a great achievement. The bug in my shorts is the constant comparison between other Reserves. Why not consider their achievement as one of any community in Canada? There are many communities (non-Indigenous) out there which barely survive and exist due to transfer payments. There are dying and Dead towns which exist all over Canada. So the media wants to hold this one community to be the threshold for all Reserves to aspire to. Canada itself, has a wide variety of regions governed by different circumstances. The results are you get the "have and have not" provinces. The Reserves in Canada operate under a variety of different circumstances as well: extreme climate, access, geography, resources and population. Louie and company shouting out, "see? this how you do it" is not a true reflection of the overall situation on Reserves. 

The other reason I am not a fan of Chief Louie is his spitting in the face of our people with his condescending comments to Indigenous people. He is like the poster child for the racist elite who can't stand the Indian Nation. They think of us a tax burden and lazy do nothing segment of society. Never mind that our people have with stood years of persecution, legislation and societal norms aimed at killing us. Although the government through the Truth and Reconciliation said the Indigenous people of Canada have suffered "cultural genocide" it's still genocide.  Louie discounts the historical trauma our people have suffered and still stand against. Trauma is still carried by many of our communities to this day. Economic success is not sole indicator of a healthy community. 

The money flow of a community is another reason for a stronger economy. With many Reserves there is no money to come in. Generally, people don't come to the Reserve. The infrastructure (stores and other amenities) of many Reserves is lacking or non-existent. Business opportunities are non-existent so how can a community attract the flow of money? Either the population doesn't support or warrant a viable business. The consumer base is just not there. And resource extraction can be cost prohibitive to enter the market. Communities to remain strong, need money to exchange hands within the community before it leaves. With money leaving the community and no money coming in, the community remains a hinterland. Hinterland resource extraction was the recipe for colonialism. Our communities are still looked at as hinterland. The people don't get to exchange money in the community. I buy cigarettes off Barbie, Barbie pays Bobby to watch the till, Bobby spends money at Bennie's cafe and Bennie gases up at Robs place. Where the Damn Rob goes to the movie in the nearby town. And the town cinema owner shops in the city. That cash I started off with is now in Thunder Bay supporting the local economy. Most Reserves don't have hand to hand money exchange. 

At the personal or individual level, Chief Louie and company (main stream) don't seem to understand the impact of bullying. Chief Louie uses the bully stance to demean people. The impact of bullying has devastating consequences. The act of bullying is to crush the other person. From playground children teasing and pushing other kids to teens badgering and humiliating peers. The results are the same; a person gets crushed. Cities are at a loss to stop bullying because of suicide which bullying can cause. Just think about how much Indigenous people have endured, have been bullied over the years by governments, justice, church, school, society and by individuals. The results show up in various degrees. We have high suicide rates, murder rates, cancer rates, addiction rates, unemployment and numerous social measurements. So when someone like Chief Louie says "suck it up", "don't be lazy" I say suck it Louie. You embarrass yourself and you embarrass us.

I don't know what is worse: The Indian who amplifies his voice to echo the words of our oppressors or the Indian who mutes his voice in the presence of our oppressors. 

Oppressors being our governments and the business interests of main stream. 

Suck it Louie. 

The idea and the promotion of having wealth as the indicator for success is messed up. Not being interested by Indigenous people in acquiring wealth was part of the equation of making it illegal to practice Traditional Worship. It was deemed against the "Victorian etiquette" of acquisition. Today the chase of  the dollar has lead to a huge crisis in the world. 

I know many successful people, Indigenous and non-Indigenous and their success has nothing to do with affluence. They are successful due to their hard work, kindness, thoughtfulness, open mindedness, generosity, and good character. Has nothing do with their cheque-book. There are many rich folk who are not successful. Just look at the President of the United States. How can anyone say that person is successful. If that's success, that is messed up.