Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Why are you mean to me? I wasn't kind to you lately.
You know the old saying "familiarity breeds contempt". Well it is a very good and appropriate saying. I mean how many of us have had someone we come to know dislike us, just because they got to know us. It happens all the time. I know this lawyer, he does a lot of work in the community for Residential School Survivors. He has become friendly to the point of almost being friends with many of the people. The problem with that is people now "know" him. They don't see him as the lawyer. The don't see him as this navigator of the judicial system. They seem as a regular person. With knowing him as a regular person the mystic of having him as their solider doesn't keep. They are no longer in awe or no longer have the unknown factor or the expert factor in their view of him. He is just a regular guy. Regular guys make mistakes. Regular guys are not super smart. Regular guys are not winners. Regular guys are not going to get things done. Regular guys can be nobodies. That is what happened to this guy. People start to treat him with contempt. Not because he did them wrong, but because he became familiar to them.
Same thing happens when you are kind to people. It's true. I'm serious. People for some strange reason get mad at you when you are kind to them. Not right away, but they will. Have you ever loaned money to a friend. You help them out when they need help. Everyone does it. We want to be kind to our friends if we can. I loaned money to different people and have done many favours for people. In the end it seems to come back and haunt me. I loaned this couple (my cousin and her husband) three grand so they could buy a car. They were real happy and I was happy to be in the position to help. When it came to paying back it kind of turned weird. They had paid me about nine hundred and couldn't or didn't pay anything after that. I never asked them to pay, never brought it up to them. But when I would try go visit the atmosphere was strange in some cases it seemed almost hostile. I would get ugly stares and one word answers when trying to have a conversation with my friend. I stopped visiting them after awhile. This was not the only incident. I helped other friends and relatives in different situations and now I don't see them too much.
I now know how it works. It is guilt that turns people. Like this: If I owe you money or a favour, I am in your debt. I see you but for some reason I am unable to fullfill my debt to you. I begin to feel bad about seeing you. I am not trying to dodge you but it is not right how I feel. So I don't like this feeling. I feel awful. I wonder why I feel awful. It is when I see you that I feel bad. It is you that is making me feel bad. I feel guilty and I don't like that feeling. So it is you that makes me feel bad. So now I feel upset. I am upset at you for making me feel bad. It is you that has caused this. Now I am mad. I am mad at you. You were kind to me so I am going to be mean to you. You make me feel bad.
Well people I hope you are still kind to people even if it results in people being mean to you.