Holy heck this made me laugh. My oldest daughter asked me this question as we reminisced over our life. So how did fun moments of recollection become "are you evil?" Perhaps it was the discussion over my past sins and recent actions.
I answered my daughter with "no I'm not evil." Actually I'm violent or can be violent, or have been violent. Or as I used to disguise the violence by saying "I was volatile." Like being volatile is better than label than being violent of abusive. My girl asked me if I was mad. No I wasn't mad, it was actually quite funny. I know I'm a very good individual; kind generous and thoughtful of others. Still I have a lot of faults and real ugly faults at that. Does it mean I am no good? To some perhaps. To me, not really.
I remember going to a film showing and panel discussion. It was held in the Winnipeg Art Gallery. The film was about the Women initiative called "Dragging the Red." The volunteers of Drag the Red are family members of missing and murdered Indigenous women, girls, men and boys, and by working together on the initiative there’s a community that’s been built around it, which shares anger, hope, and fear, said MacPherson. The discussion panel was filled with strong women and women who had personal connection to the violence women face. Being who I am (jerk aka paachak) I chimed in with my opinions. I said we men, love our women so much that we beat them, we hurt them, and we kill them. It was a facetious comment. Anyway one of the women on the panel did not like the comment. She objected to the violence again women. She said, men who do this, don't like women, they hate them. I of course tried to explain my comments as asinine and was meant to convey how wrong women are treated. So it was not a good situation from there on. This woman who was next aisle from me thought I should sit down and stop. I was thinking, "hold on here, I'm not a monster, I thought I was on your side." I guess I wasn't. I have a lot to learn with the whole ally thing. I'm not evil, but I am opinionated and stupid. Which is still not evil. I was told to sit down but I didn't agree with the men hate women statement. I think men are stupid, ugly violent, jealous, weak, and yes, some are monsters.
Growing up I saw violence. I think many of us have. Violence was normal. Not an excuse to keep it going though. My Dad was violent but didn't mean he hated Women, or us. I worked for a friend who I swear was one of the meanest persons I ever met. Thing was he never thought himself as mean, never-mind evil. Even at his meanest out bursts and actions I don't think he is evil, just cruel. I also know this fellow who is loved by many, but he might be evil. I do know he is selfish to a high degree. There are mean people I have known, cruel people and maybe even some evil people. I have known two vey evil individuals. One is now deceased and one currently torments the community. The thing about them is they are evil to some and friends to others. I think evil works that way.
Okay back to my girl asking me if I was evil. The question came about while we were visiting. When we were talking some stories came up as to my actions. A few stories, some a while back and some more recent recounted some of my misdeeds. In one situation, it is alleged I went into a house of Meth users and did some hurting due to violence. She said the story was upsetting because of the violence which took place. Evil would be taking pleasure in the harming of others with violence, no matter if the outcome turned out to be funny. Is violence the gateway to evil? My girl asked if I was mad she asked if I was evil. Of course not, it was funny. Made me think about who I am. The violence is part of who I am. It is a big part of the regret which haunts me especially when I am alone with my thoughts. It is a part, the ugly part of me.
I know who I am. I know what is evil. I'm not evil. It is quite a thing, to have your own girl ask if your are evil. It tells me violence can be seen as evil. If I don't want to be seen as evil then I should stop with the violence. I can rationalize violent acts but it still doesn't mean it is right.
I am evil to some that is true. To others I am a jerk, an arsehole, while others know me as kind generous thoughtful and good.
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