"God wanted her back. He is in a better place now. She is not suffering anymore. He is in Heaven. Time takes away the pain. She is with your Mom now. You will see him again. I know how you feel. It is meant to be. Time heals all wounds. Don't be sad. Don't feel bad. It's time to move on. Let him go. You are holding them back. It's Gods plan. Be strong. Only the good die young. You have good memories. You will have other children. You still have your children. You have to keep doing things, keep busy. You had time to say goodbye."
Holy Heck, people are dying like crazy in Sagkeeng. Seems like every week there is a wake. Lot of grief going in the community. So it might be a good time to brush up on the old sayings when you run into someone. I can't remember a lot of them, so I cheated and went online to look at the old cliches of the well meaning sympathizers.
Yes it is true, all of those things may seem like a good thing to say to someone, Hell I've said them lots of times myself to people who have suffered a loss. (Shit can't even say it right, death.) Those people had someone they loved died. So we try and say things that might be helpful. We mean good by them, when we offer our advice or words of kindness. But it just seems so wrong, you know? You boy is dead and it was meant to be? Holy shit. Your Mom suffered through cancer and it was meant to be. She is at peace? Holy shit, she suffered a lot of pain to end up dead and she is at Peace? Seems kind of weird to think like that, so I guess the best thing is to say... nothing.
If God wanted her back, then he is a one insecure bugger. He is in a better place right now, That's okay but I want him here. She is not suffering anymore, True, but why in the heck did she have to suffer in the first place. Anyway, you know where I am going with this.
Death is a natural thing, I know, but shit it still hurts like heck when it finds you (you know your loved one dies). I know a few people right now that are really suffering because they lost their Moms. My Auntie just lost one of her boys. He was murdered in a fire along with 4 others. Some crazy drunken lady set their house on fire. I wonder if there is a saying for dealing with that.
Well never meant to end on that note, so trying to think of a story for you to send you on your ways.
My nephew was away working, so his wife and their boy were home alone for a couple of months. Anyway, the boy wanted orange juice, but Mom said it was too expensive. Little boy told Granma and she went out and got them orange juice. The boy was given a glass of juice and he took a sip (I say zip, but my wife says it is sip) of the juice. He licks his lips and says "taste expensive". Little guy is four and doesn't know what expensive means, but it is cute.
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Good post. Yah, something is in the water...lots of freaky deaths here too. Accidents and stupidity (playing chicken with a train). Had my first big loss last year, my Dad. He wasn't a good Dad but he was the best Dad he knew how. He fit in the "he is in a better place" cliche and he did. Cancer. Still hurt like hell though.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that Cancer is a real monster. My Mom died the same way. She went with dignity, even though Cancer won she spit in its eye. Good woman.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your mother.
ReplyDeleteMy mom was just talking with me about my grandmother who passed away from cancer. She shared with me our traditional perspective on the four levels of being. The first level is here now. The second level is when we live in a parallel level for a year but they don't suffer material pain or need. So for a year our life goes on like it was here at this level, but without material or physical suffering. Then we go onto the next levels.
If you grieve in a sad way the deceased can't move on and get stuck in that second level, or worse yet, start infiltrating this level but in a bad way. For the first year you remember the good things about them so that they know you are okay. After a year you burn all their stuff and release them. Then you can be sad.
I wrote a poem about my grandmother here http://twinkleshappyplace.blogspot.com/2010/05/chilcotin-survival-guide-for-dealing.html
I think it's important to hold onto our ceremonies around grieving. They help us take care of each other and ourselves. They don't make it less painful, but they help us through the process.