Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Power Dynamics in Friendships.

You know who is the greatest? Muhammad Ali. He is in fact a great individual. Not just for his boxing career, but in how he stood. He was born on January 17, 1942. He is a great man because he made mistakes. He was not a god or a king, he was the greatest, but yet he made mistakes. He fought too many fights. The last two he should never have done. But maybe it was his ego, or wanting a taste of one last glory or maybe a pay cheque. In any case it was his being a man of mistakes like anyone else that made him so great. He did great things and yet he was just one guy. You have to like that. He was also a gifted poet. One of his many quotes and quips is "A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life." I really like that one.

If you are the same way you are after 50 as you were when you were young, well that says something. Maybe it says you are still fun and never let age stop you. I guess that would be okay, but what I think it means is that if you are still as stupid as you were when you were young, than something is really wrong. I think that many many people are like that, still at that mindset. Still trying to control our spouses. Still getting upset over things that really don't matter. Trying to have everyone do what we want. Not having the patience for different opinions. Than we are a sure sorry grown up.

I have many friends growing up and also in my adult years. I see them and speak with them on occasion. It is interesting to see how they are. I hope that I am not speaking or acting the same way as I was when I was twenty? But I know that many times it is the case. I still get mad, lose my patience and say bad things. I try to remember to be kind. A chore sometimes, but it is how I want to live. Hard thing to do.

With friendships or any relationship for that matter, there is a power association that binds, overlaps or interferes in that friendship. Lets look at a marriage; man and wife. They may say that they are equal partners in their relationship, but are they truly? In some cases maybe, but most likely not. Someone is the dominant one.
That is how it is in many friendships. I had many friendships like that. I was not the dominant one. I guess many factors go in the power dynamics of a relationship; age, character, personality, physical structure, job stature, education and so on.
I am no longer in many of those types of friendships now a days. It just like being 20 and now being 50. If you still think the same at 50 as you were 20, well that is just sad. I think many women go through that; being abused when they are young. When they are older, no longer taking it. Maybe for men it is a hormonal thing. Lots of testosterone when you are a young guy. You start to lose testosterone as you go older. Maybe your jealousy, anger are lower as well because of the testosterone and not because you have changed your thinking, but who knows. So your new patience and lack of anger is not due to your enlightenment but to hormones? Anyway, some people never change.

Never change like me, my daughters have been saying I am an arsehole, and that is true. I really really want to be not an arsehole. Still I don't think the same way as I did when I was 20 as I do now. At least I hope so. The power dynamics in my relationships have changed, I am no longer subservient with old relationships. I don't need to be in those type of relationships, I can just walk away from that type of power relationship. I also no longer trying to be boss at home. As a matter of fact the role is reversed, my wife has the power as it should have always been. Although I still have the bad habit of trying to control my adult kids. Oh well, maybe at 100 that will finally come. The power relationship with the children will be one of equals.

So if you are STILL in a relationship with a disproportionately power connection at this age, then get the hell out. :D

1 comment:

  1. This is so true and love the last quote. Interesting post as did not know this about M.A.