Thursday, November 17, 2011

Try a Little Kindness...

Kindness is sometimes viewed as being weak. You know like an old country song, you know, like the coward of the county by Kenny Rogers. Kindness is the hardest thing you can do or be. It is easy to be mean.

The being kind is bothering me quite a bit lately. I made a pledge to help people a number years back. And with the death of my Son, I know that I was leading a life that caused problems. I want to sincerely be nice to people. That is the trouble I am having, trying to think kind. I remember when I was told about Kindness and how it is one strand on the Sweetgrass braid. (I don't know the other strands) And I try to remember about being kind.

My 29 year old daughter is being harassed by some people in the Reserve. Over a guy yet. (Ever sick! :0, a Reserve colloquialism) She has been on the receiving end of harassment and even physical attacks for some time now. And the attacks are coming from both young and older people. She was telling me about the events for some time now. I just told her to ignore them and let it go. Lately it is getting out of control. So I went on spoke to one woman about it. I asked to her to stop. Just like that, no anger involved but concern. I thought it went well. I thought wrong. My girl was attacked by the sister of the lady I spoke with. Thing is I know these women well and am related. The lady who attacked my daughter said I was threatening to shoot her and was going to get her uncle to shoot me. I called my cousin, the Uncle to talk with him to explain myself. He was angry at his nieces and knows me well. So I was tempted to go to the Reserve and speak with the women and the "guy" who started all this trouble. The other thing is why am I getting involved with my adult daughter's problems? I guess that is my being over protective Dad.

I went instead to visit with one of my Teachers. She is great. She told me it is easy to go and "settle things like Fort Alex" (a teasing saying about how things are done in the Reserve, i.e. fight it out :-D ) She told me it is easy to be kind to people you like. "Try being kind to someone you don't like". Being kind to others is the real challenge. She said all you can do is try to be kind to them; give them gifts and if that is not possible say nice things about them if you can. And don't use kindness as a weapon. Like the saying "kill them with kindness". In this manner you are not being kind, you are trying to get at someone using fake kindness. I don't want to be fake. I really want to be kind. It's really hard at times I just want to go out there and put some hurt on people. You know use money to get some "assistance" from old acquaintances or get some of my kids old friends (the ones that are living hard lives now), or just get some pipe, or get armed and go shoot some legs or stab some legs. Ho wa, now that is a sick way to think :-0. My wife always gives me heck, "who in the hell thinks like that". I am not sure I guess lots of people?

So I am going to think about the situation and in the end try to be sincerely kind.
Reserve life is so funny but not really. I guess living in all that social dysfunction over the years does have a compiling negative affect. Hard to be happy in that environment.


  1. I applaud your efforts to be nice. It is a noble pursuit, something to reach for, and strive to attain. I, on the other hand am incapable of such a thing when it comes to my little girl. It would not matter if she was 1 or 100, if someone looks at her cross eyed(let alone hit her) this Papi Grizzly is mauling someone. I usually do not condone or advocate violence as an accepted response, however, as i said above, look at her cross eyed and that person or persons will understand the meaning of a "butt whipping". If these people do not respond to words, then you are fully justified in calling up some boys and ensuring that these attacks never happen again.

    Turning the other cheek is a fine thing to do, if it is me they are going after. If it is someone I love, no. Then I step in and explain nicely for them to walk away, if it happens after that, well, then they made their own bed and you are simply tucking them in and reading them the story of their choosing. ;)

  2. It's hard to be mean when You know Your nature-we're not about cruelty,we are breathing our Creator.Sometimes we are not given any choice-we have to fight to survive or to preserve our territory.What my teachers made clear to me it's that my family and my relations are my territory.I think our people are fed up and frustrated as our kindness has been taken for naivety or simply stupidity ever since we had met the "smart mean people".Acting mean is not acting smart and our leaders should kick arses of whoever brings to our rez what does NOT belong to our culture and our customs.We do not need enemy's ways in our house,neither should any of us be allowed to act as enemy of our people and what we represent.Allowing this kind of destructive behavior is allowing our community to be weak.A relative told me that in his rez a huge stink was rised about a mix-blooded teen living there while the fact that rape and violence "rules"could be classified as "taboo".DanohwitaĆ  n'ii(our fathers who are on the other side)are looking at us and these of us who act as our enemy are not making them proud and will know their wrath.

  3. I was visiting with my brother in law, Smiley and he shares my frustration. We can protect our family without feeling that we are abandoning our kindness. I understand what you guys are saying and thank you.

  4. Oh Steve you know what , just taking the step that you want to approach the whole situation with a healthy responce and acknowledging that acting out of fear or hate is not the way to go is Your kindness !
    Just by meditaing on it by writing about it is kind . Your part may end there in the situation now , often our acts of kindness are not acts of doing things that will be seen by others . prayer , writing on your blog etc. is a kind act that no one may ever know .
    It takes alot to approach people who we know may respond with violence too . often they react with defensivness . You wanting to help your daughter in a responsible way is showing that example to your kids & other youth in the community . I do hope your daughter will be safe ! we had to help our dd get a restraining order this past spring , it was draining on the family but needed to be done to protect our dd and her son .
    All parents want to protect their young , it is natural given response . It is a responsible parent who protects their child in a nonaggressive or bulling way . I see much kindness from You in your writings Steve , You do care and think about how things effect others , that is true kindness ☺