Monday, February 4, 2013

Look on the Brightside.

I found this facebook site called, Healing and working towards Peace.  It is just a little place that has a message of compassion. I like that.
You know if you listen to people or even read their posts, in blogs, twitter, and especially facebook, there is so much pain, anger, frustration, and hate out there. So its nice to see a little bit of compassion.

I am working at that all the time. I normally don't succeed. I get angry at the careless driver, the old lady who is so slow in the line up. But I am exercising compassion. So I hope to get better. So when the next old lady who holds up the line, I can smile and wish her all the best I can offer. That is the bright side. There are actually people out there, that are the bright side.

February, (winter months actually) is very hard for me. Lot of grief, hurt and regret around that time.  I think about my Mom alot. It was February 2005 when she was brought into the City of Winnipeg, by my sister Jean. That night she stayed in the emergency ward, while the hospital staff did test. Next morning it was the Cancer. We never in a million years even considered that. Never even thought. She complained of a sore stomach for some time. Went to the local doctor and he told her to walk, drink coffee. So she must have been sick for some time. Anyway, she didn't get better and passed away a month after that diagnosis. Man happened pretty quick. I regret some of my actions of inactions of that time. I should have stayed with her all the whole month. Instead I joked with her, told her "don't go anywhere, I will come back". I went back to work in British Columbia. I got a call some time later, maybe two or three weeks. She told me she couldn't wait. So I came back and was in horror. The Cancer started to take her and fast. She was small but still her good self. Thinking of how others were feeling. My Dad thought she was going to get cured. He got some Indian Medicine for her to drink. But she couldn't eat or drink anything. My Mom asked me to talk to Dad and tell him that she tried to take the medicine. It was a hard thing for me to do. Telling my Dad that she can't take the medicine. Anyway, I get all sad, lonely and angry this time of year. I still go and pretend that I am getting fine. But my thoughts are still real dark. I still think of my Boy and I get real angry. So angry at myself that I continue to exist. But  I do know, someday things will get better.

A friend of mine continues to play victim. I guess that is a symptom of being a victim all your life. I guess that will always be the case, we never accept our own role in things. I know some of my faults and I tend to gossip to much. I have been told "don't talk about me on your blog". And that is true, I tend to open my mouth or use my typing when I shouldn't. I need to protect the privacy of others.

Getting back to drama. We all experience it in our lives. Sometimes it touches us directly, and sometimes we are just the witness, but it does stick to us in some way. Hard to get away from drama. So much drama: the politics of the country, the local politics, the family politics, the friendship circles, work and everything else. So if the drama seems to be a bit much, stop and go read some positive cliches, sayings and encouragement. Exercise your compassion and I bet you will feel just a little bit brighter.

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