Monday, November 16, 2020

Situation Critical

 Situation Critical oooo wooo oooo.  The ride in the car is a hit mix (hit miss?) thing when I don't have my Ipod hooked up to the car stereo. My honda still has a cassette deck so I bought one of those cassette inserts where it can hook up to an external source. I can hook up my Ipod and listen to the tunes I have selected. With no Ipod there is the CD option but it comes with a short supply of music, so it comes down to the local radio stations. Unless of course you have satellite radio which is not cheap. So the ride without Ipod for me is a hit miss situation. There could be a decent song like Under Pressure by Queen or even an ACDC oldie but it could something which damages your spirit and your brain. We have so much noise coming out of the radio, makes us want to go on a crashing spree. Not head-on of course but more like side slamming cars as you cruise around the city, as Anna plays on in the background - "Anna I still love you, but if he loves you more go with him woo ooo ooo." You try to change the tempo or mindset going on in your mash up brain by switching to a local university station and you hear Amy Goodman talking about 11 million record milestone of those infected with COVID in the United States. She talking about some of the States refusing to take measures to try curb the spread. South Dakota Governor not wanting to do anything to stop the spread regardless of a critical situation in her State. So as Amy Goodman continues to share bad news from around the world, I think oooo wooo oooo situation critical, this bad tune is blasting in my head, damn the damn play list of the radio stations. These boots are made for walking is now doing a full assault on my brain - "you've been messin' where you shouldn't 've been messin." Rotten radio station trying to get my brain to explode in a beautiful cascade of red mashed up fat and bone. So I change the station before situation turns critical. Local news is on and guess what? We hear Ninety thousand kids sexual assault lawsuits are launched against Boys Scotts of America. All those poor children in a critical situation. But in a twist of good news which may actually alter the tilt of the universe, a British man, an old white guy, jumped into the water and saved a young Chinese woman. The man, a British diplomat at despite his advantaged age (61) was able to save the student. "For a man of such advanced age to save another person from the water is such cold weather, regardless of his own safety, he is a hero and gentleman." This is good news but at the same time a slap to young men in their 60's.  I honestly did not know I was at an advanced age. I can see the man being Knighted somewhere in his short future. Accordingly at his advanced age, he may not have much time so his situation critical. 

We know damn too well we are in situation critical; Greta Thunberg told us, Autumn Peltier told us, Sarika Cullis-Suzuki told us, Severn Cullis-Suzuki told us, and countless others are telling us, Situation Critical. It is not just a slack song burning holes in our ear drums, needling into our cerebrum with the force of a hot pepper which we accidental breathed into our nostrils and it is scorching our brain through our nose passage. It is a critical time and we are out of options. There are those who will keep the radio tuned and ignore the situation, just keep their heads bobbing to a teeth grinding tune of dribble and marshmallow melting message: "can you hear the drums Fernando? I remember long ago another starry night like this in the firelight Fernando. You were humming to yourself and softly strumming your guitar. I could hear the distant drums."  We are Situation Critical. We keep the station on and ignore everything.  I can not continue with the same tunes on the same station. So I will plug in my Ipod and pick up the dog poop my dog dropped on the sidewalk. We don't want anyone stepping in dog poop. It could turn out to be situation critical. 

Just have to share this video of the Great Drum group Cozad. This is the kind of good feel tune which should be on your radio. This is spectacular. The gentleman in the purple shirt and cowboy hat is just situation awesome. We need more Situation Awesome and fight Situation Critical. 

Saturday, November 7, 2020

We Need a Jerk in Our Life: The Pachak

 There are those who prey on the goodwill of others, and man that really bugs me, you know? You give them some hospitality, some kindness, some generosity, and they abuse it. The act of being a gracious host is lost on them. There is a word we use to describe this being, it is a "Pa-chak." A Pachak will come to your home ask to stay for a couple of days and then never ever try to leave. The Pachak will cut in front of you, in the check out line, the traffic jam, the movie theatre line and they will look in your fridge and not be satisfied with what is in there. The Pachak will go into your alcohol cupboard and pour himself a tall glass of the most expensive spirit you have and boldly say "Buddy you got the best bar in town." The Pachak will take your last smoke and not give you a puff. Will drink straight from the milk jug and leave it out on the counter. The Pachak will not flush the toilet after using it. The Pachak will borrow your car and break it. The Pachak will borrow your car and bring it back home with the car sucking fumes. The Pachak will borrow your car, drive off and come right back saying there is no gas in it. A Pachak can make you cringe but also make you laugh as well. It is the laughing Pachak we love and adore. The laughing teasing Pachak is needed everywhere. The happy Pachak will be there when they are needed for a chuckle and to lighten up the mood. The happy Pachak can be the butt of their own jokes. The happy Pachak is a joy albeit with a shoulder shrug and little cringe. The happy Pachak will make you laugh when you are in the midst of a big sobbing cry. The happy Pachak will make you smile and chuckle just before the dirt is tossed on your friend's coffin. As you lay in the fetal position because your partner has left you on your wedding day, the Pachak will say "well, never did like her/him/them anyway" and get you laughing. The happy Pachak will be there to slash tires of the guy who cheated on your cousin with the town mattress. The happy Pachak is also a town mattress. The Happy Pachak sees the world as a place to bring joy, even if it kills the other person. 

 It is the cringing selfish Pachak we want to bash over the head with a lead crystal vase. Then roll them up in a tarp, a heavy smelly greasy tarp, toss in the back of the truck bed, drive over to the nearest land fill and dump there, so the crows, the flies, the magpies and the rats can have a little taste. We endure the Pachak because we are cool like that. The rude Pachak seems to dominate in the world. We need the Pachak, the happy one, but we have to endure the rude Pachak. Think of the rude Pachak as the Chihuahua of the dog world: an annoying little yappy untrainable misery who is the baby of your annoying old cripple aunty with the wicked smokers hack, with an overwhelming odour of pee and cheap perfume - who is rich. You don't really like them but you know there could be some reward there so you bite your tongue until it bleeds and smile. 

-And if I ever lose my legs, I won't moan, and I won't beg. Yes If I ever lose my legs, Oh if I won't have to walk no more.
And If I ever lose my mouth, all my teeth, north and south. Yes if I ever lose my mouth, Oh if I won't have to talk.

I have been both, the cringe worthy Pachak and the happy make you smile Pachak.  The very best Pachak example is not Homer Simpson but it is Alan in the movie Hangover. Now he is the "classic" Pachak, a one man wolf pack. 

Now who is your Pachak?  

"She Had Limited Value"

 "Yeah, just write a cheque, hahahaha. Eleven thousand dollars, she was twenty-six anyway, she had limited value." This is what a ...