A change is gonna come...

In the Reserve people always say they want change. Not sure what change they are talking about?

I think people want change that includes them. That is what kind of change they want.

6 years of missing my Son.

August 25th will be six years since my son, Donovan killed himself in his Mom's place. The police said he was there for a least two days. I remember that day when the police went in. I think about and wonder what he was thinking. That is the reality of suicide. You are left with so many questions, what if's, how could I have done to change it, and why? Why did he do that? It is difficult enough and impossible to make peace with that. I will always know there could have been better options. I would change places him in a second. For him to be here and for me to be gone. That is the thing that can never be, wanting it to be a mistake, a dream and finally to wake up from it.


There has been a little talk in the news media about suicide since NHL player Rick Rypien took his own life. The stories skirt around the issue of suicide, but focus rather on depression. Depression is a serious issue and has the stigma that comes along with mental health issues. People don't want to say crazy in the head, but they are thinking it.

Anyway, I am not sure if suicide will ever be without the negative stigma. There is all the negative connotations associated with suicide: cowards way out, selfish, a Sin, against the law and so on. For me, I am not sure of what to think. I know my Son is not in Hell. Even if there was a chance that he may have been going there, David went traveled there and got him and his cousin out of there. He told me so.

So we have come another year and time has not kicked in and eased it. I am still waiting for time to heal all wounds. Still it is not as severe as it once was. I can laugh, I can enjoy time with the Grandkids. Still my time alone is when my mind takes me back to that place with my Son. A lot of the those thoughts go back to the mistakes that I made. Those are the thoughts that haunt me. It is a hell of place to be alone in time. Those are the things that keep me buried in a mound of dirt, covered in earth, seeing only the darkness of things.

I wonder what thoughts haunted that young NHL player?

These are the days...

A happy song for you out there. I thank you for reading the blog. I am going to take a trip next week and won't blog for a couple of weeks. Going to see Montana.

Cancer is the Beast.

Weendigo (windigo) is a beast. That beast eats and eats. It is an incorporeal being. It is the essence of greed, selfishness, and evil. The Windigo comes from Ojibway (and Cree) Teachings. The Teachings of the Windigo show us the nature of greed. The nature of evil unchecked.

Ronald Wolf a writer explains the Windigo this way:

The Wendigo (also known as Windigo, Weendigo, Windago, Windiga, Witiko, Wihtikow) is a mythical creature appearing in the mythology of the Algonquian people.

It is a malevolent cannibalistic spirit which humans could transform, or which could possess humans. Those who indulged in cannibalism were at particular risk, and the legend appears to have reinforced this practice as taboo...

Though descriptions varied somewhat, common to all these cultures was the conception of Wendigos as malevolent, cannibalistic, supernatural beings (manitous) of great spiritual power.

Whenever a Wendigo ate another person, it would grow larger, in proportion to the meal it had just eaten, so that it could never be full. Wendigos were therefore simultaneously constantly gorging themselves and emaciated from starvation...

That is what cancer is, it is the beast - "Maji manidowazzi.  "Cancer is a term used for diseases in which abnormal cells divide without control and are able to invade other tissues". We know that Cancer is a Spirit. We know it takes indiscriminately. I have no love for Cancer. I know that there are people out there, Traditional people who are working hard at fighting Cancer. Sometimes Cancer wins and takes a life, other times it loses and the people win.

Cancer is a bastard. It took a number of family members. My aunties on both sides of my family, my Mom and now it threatens my Cousin's little baby girl. She is only two. It hurts to see my cousin, his family in such pain. Trying to live normally. What ever the heck that is. We can offer words, but what else can we do. We can pray. However, it is the battle between the two that is going on. Maybe the medical community can win where the Traditional Healers cannot, or maybe the Healers can win where the Medical Community may not. I hope and pray that the baby wins. Hope is not an answer or method but sometimes it is all you have.

I will send you on your way with a story our Friend Annette told us the other day. Her grand-Auntie had a bout with Cancer. She beat it. As you can imagine it was scary event. Anyway this one day she felt a lump where her belly button is. She panicked. She got worried. She had already dealt with Cancer before and didn't want to deal with it again. She wanted to make sure it was okay. She went to the hospital. The doctor found a hard ball of dirt in her belly button. "Clean your belly button Auntie".

Here's Hank. For you Dad.

Aboriginal Circle

@wabkinew "I hear a lot of people say the Native community needs heroes, well we already have our heroes, so lets take a moment to remember them."

She is at rest now.

"God wanted her back. He is in a better place now. She is not suffering anymore. He is in Heaven. Time takes away the pain. She is with your Mom now. You will see him again. I know how you feel. It is meant to be. Time heals all wounds. Don't be sad. Don't feel bad. It's time to move on. Let him go. You are holding them back. It's Gods plan. Be strong. Only the good die young. You have good memories. You will have other children. You still have your children. You have to keep doing things, keep busy. You had time to say goodbye."

Holy Heck, people are dying like crazy in Sagkeeng. Seems like every week there is a wake. Lot of grief going in the community. So it might be a good time to brush up on the old sayings when you run into someone. I can't remember a lot of them, so I cheated and went online to look at the old cliches of the well meaning sympathizers.

Yes it is true, all of those things may seem like a good thing to say to someone, Hell I've said them lots of times myself to people who have suffered a loss. (Shit can't even say it right, death.) Those people had someone they loved died. So we try and say things that might be helpful. We mean good by them, when we offer our advice or words of kindness. But it just seems so wrong, you know? You boy is dead and it was meant to be? Holy shit. Your Mom suffered through cancer and it was meant to be. She is at peace? Holy shit, she suffered a lot of pain to end up dead and she is at Peace? Seems kind of weird to think like that, so I guess the best thing is to say... nothing.

If God wanted her back, then he is a one insecure bugger. He is in a better place right now, That's okay but I want him here. She is not suffering anymore, True, but why in the heck did she have to suffer in the first place. Anyway, you know where I am going with this.

Death is a natural thing, I know, but shit it still hurts like heck when it finds you (you know your loved one dies). I know a few people right now that are really suffering because they lost their Moms. My Auntie just lost one of her boys. He was murdered in a fire along with 4 others. Some crazy drunken lady set their house on fire. I wonder if there is a saying for dealing with that.

Well never meant to end on that note, so trying to think of a story for you to send  you on your ways.

My nephew was away working, so his wife and their boy were home alone for a couple of months. Anyway, the boy wanted orange juice, but Mom said it was too expensive. Little boy told Granma and she went out and got them orange juice. The boy was given a glass of juice and he took a sip (I say zip, but my wife says it is sip) of the juice. He licks his lips and says "taste expensive". Little guy is four and doesn't know what expensive means, but it is cute.

Indian People are Crazy!

You want to know something, Indians are nuts. No, it's true. I know, I know it sounds cruel, because there are so many good people out there that show us that they are fine. But Indians are nuts.Okay I admit it, not all are nuts but there are some people out there that do strange things. So strange that you would think they are nuts.  Yeah, sure you say that it is not inherent to one group of people but to all races. I guess that could be true, but I'm talking about Indians here, the North American kind, you know, the yip yip yaahoo yaahoo kind (as portrayed in Disney's Peter Pan or Hanna Barberas Quick Draw McGraw). Of course you may not know that I love Indians. Some of my best relatives, sisters, brothers, parents, cousins and kids are Indians. Still I may be wrong but Indians are nuts. I am going to talk about people here, so you may get the idea that I am calling them nuts. Not at all. I mention them because I want to contrast the sane with the insane. Some of these people are very sane and not nuts at all. Who the heck am I to call anyone nuts anyway?

Take this guy for example: Robbie Knievel breaks record Motorcycle Jump at  Lac Courte Oreilles Ojibwe Casino. Now I don't know if this is what you call a nut-bar, I don't know. Maybe he is just adventurous. Yeah, that's it, he is an 'outside the box' thinking type guy. Yeah that's it. A person of great intellect and grandiose spirit. I like that. He's not nuts. Not sure if he is Indian, but that's the kind of strange behaviour I am talking about. People who do and say things the normal, average, individual may not be inclined to do. Lot of Indians are crazy in ways like that, but they are crazy in subtle ways as well. You know those people that have 20 cats kind of crazy. But not the "baby cooking crazy". The subtle crazy is what you can't really get a hand on, but it's there. People of Aboriginal heritage know it well. They see the signs: Got a big dog in the yard but no dog house. Have a car but no drivers license. Have a canoe but no paddles. Sleep all day and walk around all night. Go to AA for the free coffee and treats. Yell at the Chief because the screens on the windows are gone. Yell at the Chief just because she/he is the Chief. That's the kind of crazy they recognize, those Indians.

I see many people in my Reserve that are nuts. They hang from Trees. Can you imagine that? They have a stick shoved through their skin and they are hanged from a Tree. Crazy, I know.

Sundance 1900's

Yes, they are crazy, but really they are crazy for life. They do the Piercing as part of a ritual in a Ceremony. So I can see that they are not at all crazy but really quite sane. However, there are others that do it, the piercing thing.  They are the people that  make us see the difference between nuts and not nuts. Not sure of the reason behind this, but hey if it makes them feel good, well 'all-ridey then'.They seem to pierce for the sake of piercing. Hooks here and there. Some even pierce the naughty bits of their body.

Shark girl with hooks

Hanging from hooks

Rae Schwarz wrote an article explaining this hanging from hooks thing. She seems sane, but stupid. A quick read of the article has the hanging of hooks as somehow connected to the Sacredness of the Sundance Ceremony and the sacrifice people make at that Ceremony. ??? WTF??? Exactly. In any case it's ART. Good for them. Crazy and nuts but good for them. One person's crazy is another person's art.

Bad Eagle American Patriot

There is this fellow in the United States, called David Yeagley and he has this site called Bad Eagle. Now I am not calling this guy nuts are anything. I just wanted to share his site. He is an American patriot and his site is dedicated to American patriots.  Here is what he writes:
" Liberal American Indians protest the use of the name "Geronimo" in the Bin Laden killing operation.  They think they are standing up for American Indians, but they are shilling for white liberals.  Contrary to their Indian chauvinist pretenses, they have betrayed and denigrated every sense of Indian honor, and no doubt contributed to the depression and alarming suicide rate among Indian youth. " 


I guess the Liberal Indian had a hand is the direct link to Aboriginal Suicide. Maybe I can see that if I look real hard while hanging from metal hooks.  I read some of Yeagleys online forum and think that many of his colleagues or followers are nuts. Crazy with a capital "C". I am not sure if you can be judged by the company you keep. But I do see that some people tend to stay away if they think someone is crazy. Not sure if crazy is hanging out with people who are interested in seeing your people disappear, but that is something different.

Grand Chief Phil Fontaine - Canadian PM Stephen Harper

Look at former Grand Chief of the Assembly of First Nations, Mr. Phil Fontaine. Phil Fontaine is a smart guy and certainly not crazy. He knows crazy when he sees crazy. Phil is from our Reserve. His Dad and my Kokum were brother and sister. Phil is the poster Indian for success. Smart, charismatic, well spoken, educated, speaks Ojibway, has triumphed over the Catholic Church indecencies and has had the Pope grovel (well not really, the Pope didn't do a public apology but rather a closed door sorry and oops) and apologize to him. Now that is one smart Indian and NOT crazy. He can spot crazy. That is why he surrounds himself with the non-Aboriginal. He knows Aboriginal people are crazy. He does not want to get that crazy stigma. So he stays away from Indians, aka Aboriginal people. Now that is smart. He knows about insider crazy that other Indians know about. The kind of Indian crazy where a guy will go over to your house when he knows you are away just so he can talk to your woman. Or the kind of crazy where he/she uses your name to try and get a free hotel room or meal at a restaurant.



Another fellow that is smart is this guy: Notice how he has the Headdress neatly (strategically) situated to sit on his head.

Chief oops, Senator Patrick Brazeau.

Senator Patrick Brazeau. Brazeau is an Algonquin from Quebec. He is the youngest person to be named Senator for Canada. He was picked by the political Right Conservative government. Brazeau made his name known as the leader of the group, Congress of Aboriginal Peoples. Not sure what this group does but he was the leader. Brazeau is like the American Patriot Yeagley, in that Brazeau is a Canadian patriot and fights against the left thinking Indian. Because of his "right minded" thinking the Prime Minister of Canada made Brazeau the Indian on the Senate. A good choice for the Right. Now that is some smart thinking. Brazeau has been using his new found platform really well. Putting down any and all left political parties that are debating for Canadian Indians. 
Brazeau is not crazy, he knows that it is better to be in the camp than sitting outside the camp. He's not crazy just mixed up or jealous of the Indian crazy. Who knows?


This is one thing I imagine must make Phil Fontaine crazy, nuts,  is that Phil was a very loyal member and advocate of the Left minded Liberal Party and they never made him Senator. Now that is nuts.Those liberal bastards. They had their chance to show how fair minded they were/are but didn't come across. Now isn't that a kick in the head. A party that is anti-social, anti-people, anti-Indian appoint an Indian to the Senate. A plum position like that? But yet this social conscious minded, friend of the Indian government failed to make similar moves? Now that is nuts. 

Kahentinetha Horn, 71, publisher of Mohawk Nation New

There is this one person that I know must be nuts. She constantly gets attacked for talking and walking. She is harassed, kicked beaten but yet she will not keep her mouth quiet. Now that is nuts. If you put your hand on fire and keep getting it burned, burnt, wouldn't you stop? Now that is exactly the thing I am talking about. This lady was in the hospital recently as a result of her constant talking. Talking about how Indians are being abused, stolen from, being wronged at every turn from the government. And what has this talk gotten her. Nothing but abuse, neglect and scorn from others. That lady is Kahentinetha Horn. I don't know Ms Horn, but she must be nuts! Being subject to all sorts of abuse and still she keeps talking and speaking about Indian abuse. Man that is crazy.