Creator, Are You Listening?

Throughout my life I have talked to God many times. When I was young and going to the boarding school (Fort Alexander Indian Residential School) I really didn't know how to talk to God. I was thought prayers like the Hail Mary and the Our Father prayers. At the time I didn't understand the message. I tried to do the prayers, but only when told to do them.  When I was given Penance after Confession and I was told to recite the prayers a number of times to repent for my sins. Even then I didn't use them. I would just guess as to how long the prayers would take as I was kneeling. So night time prayers or morning prayers was something I never did. I guess I did the prayer only at public prayers. I can't say when I actually started to talk to God in earnest. I don't remember the first time or what was said. Its not like God actually took part in the conversation. There was no "yo-hoo", like the Old men in the Reserve  would say when they were listening to each other. Unlike others who say God answered them, it never happened to me. Can you imagine, if you were answered?

Most likely the times I must have spoken to the Creator was when I was in trouble or troubled. Its funny I didn't take the time to speak with God when I was in a good place. I remember as a kid being so mad, so mad that I threw out into the yard my Mom and Dads crucifix which hung over the front door. The statue of Jesus was a gift at their wedding. I broke the arm of the Jesus. Can't remember what I was upset for at the time. I just remember it because of how bad and guilty I felt for breaking Mom and Dad's crucifix.

I remembered talking to the Creator when my boy was found dead by hanging himself. I laid on the floor crying "no no no no" over and over again. Trying to make it not true. Hoping praying, asking God to make it not true, to change it. I didn't hear anything. Only the sound of my voice throughout the room. It doesn't matter anymore if I talk to the Creator. There is no answer regardless.

Today's media makes it much easier to communicate with the World and to listen to the World. Right now there are many people trying to speak with God. Funny thing is there doesn't seem to be any one in the room. Maybe the Creator is on holidays. You might think that with all the developments in technology, someone out there would have built a device which could establish a link with God. They discovered the God Particle for god's sake. So technology and science should have some "new" way beside prayer to communicate with god right? Maybe it will come one day but not today. Today we still have to rely on whether we decide God is listening, somehow.

I am not that far with throwing the Creator by the wayside, but still if I do talk to anyone I will choose to talk to my Boy, my Mom and a few others. I will say a thank you to whoever might be listening for the good in my life, like my family, my grandkids.

So there is the thing of trying to live a Traditional life if the Creator is not actively in it? I know right? I think this, I am no Christian but I still believe in some of the tenets which make Christianity attractive. Like the Golden Rule of treating others how you want to be treated. For me the Traditions are important part of my life. Its a  link to our heritage and to our Ancestors. The Teachings give us a good way to live. I embrace those Teachings the pursuit of learning from everyone.

Religion is an insult to human dignity. With or without it you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. Steve Weinberg

If I do speak again with the Creator, I will be saying, "what the fuck?"