I Ate A Puppy. I Helped Cook It.

Here's the thing, there is no doubt I have said ugly racist, misogynist, homophobic things in my life. Not only have I said horrible ugly things, but I have committed monstrous acts, property damage, theft, reckless behaviour and violence.  Heck, even eating a puppy was not beyond something I would have done. This is who I am, or at least who I was and it may not have been very long ago. The fact that my past has ugliness in it, is my fault. I wish I didn't do and say many a thing. It is those words, those actions which some folk only know us with. Some people will only know you as that mistake, that wrong choice. What can you do about it? It is truly the enlighten person who can say, "who gives a rat's ass," when considering other's view of you. I believe most people want to be liked. We want to have the approval of others to make us believe we are good people. The reality is, we have no business in other peoples' opinions. If they like us and view as a person worth knowing, that is awesome. If they don't like us, well, it might be hard to take but what are we going to do, give them money, bend over, so they like us? 

I have made the cardinal sin of giving a hoot about what people think about me. In a few cases it caused me to have real anxiety. I never knew anxiety was really a thing before. I heard people talk about anxiety and I just thought, "nervous?" I fell into the dark-deep-tunnel-of-despair some years ago. Since then, I have learned the meaning behind anxiety, anger, and depression. It is a place I don't recommend you to visit. However, the trip is most likely to be out of your control in any case. I have opinions, both in real time and on Earth and of course, opinions in the wired world of social media. With voicing, expressing and sharing your opinion, it is going to cause a reaction. Not all opinions receive a response, most and many are just ignored. There at times when you invest in the responses to your opinions and that is where it can be a mistake. It is there when we take in another person's opinion is when we can hurt ourselves. It is when we emotional invest in what other's think of us that is where we help cook the puppy. We start to fire, but they cook the puppy. We are then fed the puppy by listening to judgements, responses by them on our views and actions.  We listen, feel it and we then eat the puppy. 

I remember when I gave this inebriated guy a ride home, and he was says, "You're not an asshole. My mom says your an asshole." It was funny and kind of surprising. It was surprising because I don't believe I had really crossed paths with his Mom, but I knew who she was. Our community, aka Reserve, was not that huge. So I wondered what did I do to get her view on me.  Another time, my good buddy was telling me, "Hey, I mentioned your name at Anne's place and she really hates you. The hate was just visual. You could just see the hate to you." I was disappointed and felt bad, because I always thought I was cordial, if not nice to this Woman. That is the thing do, we don't have to always eat the puppy. They can feel how they want but you don't have to eat what they are cooking. There must be people we don't like as well. So what business  do we have trying to force a puppy meal on them. 

I have no business in people's opinion of me. Why is it my business to begin with? So you think I eat puppies and what if I did? What if I cooked it, while other's waited for it to be cooked, along with some corn, carrots in a dog stew? Would it be your business? Perhaps, but it's not my business if it is your business to be in my business, you dig? I have to understand if I'm going to open my mouth and spit things out, there is going to be someone out there who will want to feed me a puppy. But... it is my choice whether I eat the puppy or not. And believe me, I did eat puppy and I don't want to eat anymore. It tasted like wet dog. Since it was cooked with singed fur and that scorched taste wasn't appealing. 

So I think I will give the next cooked puppy a pass. If people want to feed me a puppy, good on them, but I don't feel it would be bad manners to not eat their puppy.