Silaada: I Miss Your Wisdom

I think I have been blogging for  9 years now. When I first started I just wanted to do something, anything to feel, to feel part of something.

I had been suffering (and still do) from the suicide of my son, (plus other things which happened in my life) and really I don't think I wanted to live anymore.

So I took to writing. I wrote about anything but my love is Indians. Indians with all their self doubts, self hatred, self loathing, their pride, respect, humor, family, community and all they are. So I wrote about Indians and what I think in the Indian world. I know its not Indian, its Indigenous.

Many of my posts  were negative. Of course its where my head was and is. Lately its much more manageable. There were times when I just hated my self and was so tired of pretending. I laughed, I teased, I joked, and teased so much, but it was hard. The thoughts of ending my own life have since eased but never go away. Still there is always a plan, always a revised plan, a time-table, the moving of the time table. Blogging was a distraction.

In my blogging I have come to meet some interesting people. I don't know really who they are or what they look like. Its their link and thoughts which have helped keep me writing. For me there is always the chance I will meet another interesting person. When I get emails from visitors of the blog with questions, it always bumps me up. I look forward to the comments and the emails. I check them daily, sometimes multiple times a day. The comments have slowed and the views have gotten fewer. Still I think maybe one more blogging will spark a new interest or a comment.

Silaada is one of those people who have commented. Her insight is amazing. I imagine her as this strong brown fit Native woman, wise for her age.

Her comments to my blog, especially when I am whining has bumped me up and made me think. It is those who  can make you  think or reflect which we should turn to in times of confusion. They lead the way.

So just want her and all those others I have come to know on here, I appreciate you.

I do appreciate you.