I haven't been to visit Compassionate Friends in sometime. Always intend on going but it just doesn't happen. I should make an effort.
This newsletter lists the children who have died. The list is for parents who have joined Compassionate Friends. Our son is listed in this newsletter.
Seeing your child's name on a list of the dead brings out different thoughts. Sometimes it stirs the emotions and sometimes it brings thoughts. Thoughts which mess you up. Thoughts where you wonder, why? Thoughts where you want to be angry. Thoughts were you want to just give up as well.
So how long should we have our child's name on a list? How long can we grieve? How long before it becomes a drain on others who know you? How long before you are to bury the grief and not show it to anyone anymore?
Is there a certain amount of time where you are suppose to let "time heal the wound?"
I can't seem to find the date. I can't seem to bury the hurt. I can't seem to behave like normal people who have lost a child to suicide.
So what do you think? Should we stop with the misery now? I mean it will be 13 years and it is a long time. The death should be a distant memory now.
What is the fucking convention for grief?
13 Fucking years and the hurt is still here. So what the heck is up with that shit?
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