The thing about being in the gang, particularly the Indigenous gang, it means belonging to something bigger than themselves, even if it is something disgusting, loathsome and parasitical. Still the gang has a draw for the stupid lazy Indian. Some members are not really given the choice but to join the gang, an ugly reality for the Indigenous youth.
Being in a gang affords the individual a base of power. They won't get respect but will gain audience and have a raised voice because of the fear they bring to the community. Chiefs and Councils fear the gang member. The fear gives the gang member some power over others. Who wants to be beaten up by a bunch of goons, thugs? This is the voice the gang member has. So what happens to their voice when they decide to leave the gang?
The ex-gang member expects to have the same power and the same voice as when they were in the pack of rabid dogs. They expect people will fear them or even respect them. No one respects the gang member. The gang member is a bottom feeder and a user of people. No one respects them. People fear the gang member because there is the threat of harm. With the loss of the gang, the threat disappears. The voice they have gained due to numbers and fear is now mute. The perks of dirty fast money is gone as well. Yet the ex-gang member still thinks they have the power they afforded by being in a gang.
So the gang member has a problem. They want to shed the skin of rot from being in a gang and join the community. They want to be respected. They want to have a voice. They still want to have the power to influence. The thing is the only reason they had those things, was because they were part of a stink and toxicity of a gang.
How should the community react to the gang member or I should say the ex-gang member? Should all be forgiven? Should they be embraced?
I think its good to have the individual recognize the ugliness of the gang life. The harm it causes to the family, to the community, to society.
However, there is the process of redemption and the act of reconciliation. Reconciliation with what you, the gang member have done to your community, your people. Shouldn't a gang member have to earn their way back into the community?
I had a young former gang member of 18 years old stay with me for a few months. This kid was raised in a gang world (Mom and Dad both belonged), addicted to drugs at a very young age, ran with a pack of buddies doing terrible things, and had FASD to boot. But every time I saw him over the course of a year, he was usually in the fringes of cultural events, watching, listening. He was the kid with his nose pressed against the glass, but of course in an intimidating serious looking way. I could feel an ache in him though. He wanted more, but he wasn't sure what that more was.
ReplyDeleteI offered him kindness. I encouraged others to do the same. We drew him in and included him in our conversations. I asked questions, listened without judging.
One day he found himself in trouble and homeless. I brought him home, not listening to those who said it wasn't wise. I wasn't stupid, I was careful, but I felt he needed my family for something. He was brought to me for a reason.
It turns out he needed love.
He didn't know how to hug very well. It was very awkward and it took practice for him to get good at it. He's fantastic at it now. A hugging machine. He needed someone to worry if he ate enough, or to remind him he needed to chew because no one was going to steal his food. He needed accountability when he messed up, and to learn to clean up his mess. He needed to forgive himself, use words instead of violence. He hurt people, did bad things. But now he could help others, even if it seemed small to him, he learned it was valued. We had a sacred fire to burn his gang related items. He cried as a weight was taken off him. He didn't know how to play. He literally asked me one day what my youngest was up to, pounding away at a dead tree laying in the yard. He's playing, I said, probably preparing for war with zombies or something. I had to explain what playing was, how sad is that?
So yes, when someone is ready to step away from that terrible world, we need to welcome them back. We need to give them a reason to want to belong, rather than alienate, and understand the simplest things that we love may be foreign to people who grew up in such a negative world, it was his version of normal, that ugliness. Is it easy? Not in the least. But things worth doing rarely are.
This is what he taught me. Now he is gone to try and pursue a more normal happy life, sober and clean, as his Dad also tries to do the same, I'm glad they have each other and I'm glad he's nearby so I can check on him.
What a great post. The kindness you are showing is something we all should consider. It sounds like this particular person is still young. So it is good.
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